It's just one of those moments where you start to understand a little bit more about 'faith'.

Over the last year, just about everything has gone wrong- there's been a new battle every week, a new pain to try and deal with. And over the last month, I can't even describe how much I have felt alone, worn-out and unable to cope.

I guess this could be the normal blog about how faith has pulled me through all, and how trust has been the key ingredient in getting through the last few weeks in particular.

Well, it's not going to be one of those blogs.

Every day, its really surprised me how much I've been able to face the day with still a garbage bag of pain at my side. Actually, to be honest, I don't quite understand how exactly I've managed to do it. Truth be told, its actually God that's grabbed my hand in the morning and called me to get on with what the day might hold. That verse, "Tomorrow will take care of itself" is so fitting right now- I'm living my life a moment at a time, I have no idea what will be next, what tomorrow will hold. Even though a plan might be made, I can't predict tomorrows steps.

I think a lot of people kind of get a bit freaked out when they think that their life will just be put in the basket of "live it how it comes", but for us, that is true faith.

Why? Well, putting everything in Jesus' hands is not only trusting those hands, but also having faith in his planning, his chosen pathways and his decisions.

See, it goes far beyond "a-day-at-a-time-sort-of-choice", God knows our end from our beginning.

I was sitting in my bedroom just remembering everything that Jesus has got me to give up, and yet also remembering everything he also is blessing me with and has blessed me with. I think its so hard, even within faith, to praise God for the things that hurt most. The things we got so used to- people we loved who we then lose, worldly objects or experiences, that we so want to have again. And yet, faith. God brings us to a simple decision.

We either look towards to the cross, or look to the world. 

It's been so excruciatingly hard for me over the last while to concentrate on that cross. I think I've just got so caught up in that messy world that is following me round in the garbage bag. I recognise what pain is every day, because its become such a normality.

But do I recognise the blessing of that infinitely glorious cross? We spend so much time trying to let people know that we actually are being faithful by understanding that God is with us. That he has pulled us out of the muddy situation we're in.

It's not wrong to believe that at all- because God does, has and will save us from any situation(s). But it goes far beyond that.

See, faith in the darkness of pain, is the very announcement to God, that we will look beyond each moment, each tear, even the pain of tomorrow's trials, and look towards the cross. 

Maybe I've become so used to spotting my pain, and the mucky places God has brought me to, that I've forgotten his blessings. Would I change the things that have happened? - Not even slightly. I recognise God has my life in His hands, its not something I need to worry about.

But, I place a simple faith into the hands of the Saviour, He alone is capable of my life, capable of my tears and capable of what tomorrow holds. I want to be a daughter who never loses the sight of the sun in the darkness of a storm.

The cross before me.

The world behind me.

There will be no turning back- no turning back.

SNOOWWWW [:

Heyyy Guyys!

Wow, I can't tell you how mental today was- I think I did like nearly nothing, except from wrap some presents...

You know that sort of way you just have to stop, and ask God, 

"What do I stand for? What purpose have you got me here for? What do you want me to do in my life that will actually make a difference?"

For a while, I just really understood God wanted me to be here for encouragement and friendship. I still think the same, although for a long time, I've also understood that life right now is so busy doing everything that I do... that sometimes I don't even make time to speak to some of the closest people I have in my life- so I have to say a big sorry to anyone who I havent spoken to recently... I guess I get so caught up in doing work and extra, that I forget to make some time for the people that mean most to me!

But anyweyyys.

Life life life!

Well, I guess I have no idea whats coming next, which is exciting in so many ways, but I know I need to step into gear with prayer! Photography is really on my heart, but so is missions. I keep asking myself, "do I really want to study?" And I kind of do want to, but there's such a massive part of me wanting to join an organisation and let God use me. If what I really want to do is photography within a missions job, do I need to study for it?

Well, maybe. But, God knows. I'm so glad that He knows my future... He knows my start from my end... [: what a truly awesome God! =)

Lots of folk have kept on like asking me... "Eliii, do you have a guyy?" :P haha! So I thought I'd get that one sorted out on here... :P No. I don't... :P It's one of those things that I kinda learnt from earlier this year, and reckoned God was needing me to concentrate on Him and Him alone. Which is what I tend to advise everyone to do for a while... Some of the worst things have happened this year, but having God alone at my side has actually been essential for me to have. I'm not looking for like anyone at all right now- I know that God just wants me to continue to concentrate on His heart, and follow his will; there will be somebody come someday! :P

Nicole (work) has got all us lassies praying for our future hubbies at work ;) haha! It's pretty good... 

anyways, off that subject!

not looking forward to Christmas so much this year... but it shall be a good time to stop!

Although I'n off south for a week and a bit in Feb! Looking forward to that so much...woop!

Anyways! I'm off!

Eliii xo

[:

Reeeeet Guys,

Wow, remembered about this whole bloggin' thing! High five to me! :P

So, a lot to share. As always.

I'm a year older. It feels slightly strange. I feel like I've matured too much in the last 2 months, that this is the crunch point of actually continuing to mature! Haha, not too sure if I like it. 

Even so. A wee catch up in the world of Eli!

So yesterday was the birthday bang. Another fancy dress hunt! Most comments about the night were "another banterful day." Haha, another repeat of last year I suppose. People are already questioning what my 18th will be like. Truth is, I have no idea!

Actually, when you think about it. Where will I be in a year's time aye? No idea!

Ever since I've started to work, I've actually realised that I'm starting to enjoy life a lot more. Silly though that might sound. I don't think I was ever someone programmed to be in school; I love the simple fact that I don't dread the next day at work. I feel really comfortable where I am in life.

Even weirder, today I had the strongest feeling of God just telling me, I'm where I should be. But also, He was clearly telling me that I have a lot of really big decisions to make too, and that life ahead is uncertain in my vision. But he was comforting me in telling me that He knew exactly where I was going to go- He is my compass, and will always stick by my side.

So what's keeping me busy except from work? Well, quite a lot! I'm bantering more than I thought  I might! :P But I'm also leading a youth group with Cara and am being given the chance to do the teaching part. Which is reaaaaallly exciting.

I'm also gonna really start to think about starting up a small prayer group- and will try and visit some folks to start praying with them and encouraging them. I feel God is gonna use me so much this year.

So other than that- praying God will provide some money for the new camera that I really want. Lol :P Got a real want to just do photography right now! I love it so much =)

I wanted to encourage you a wee bit with something I've been reading right now and its 1 Kings! I've been enjoying it so much. But something really hit me the other day and it was this:

Solomon asked the Lord "Give me a discerning heart so that I can govern your people and distinguish between wrong and right. For only you can truly govern these people."

It touched my heart so much. For the last week I've been praying my heart out knowing that before I can do any kind of evangelising- or even live out faith, I need to pray and ask for a discerning heart. That doesn't mean that we will still recieve the same blessings that Solomon recieved, but Solomon was blessed by God within also.

I realised that this week, after pleading for God to mould me into someone that was wise, that things really started to happen. It wasn't like I turned uberly wise this week! But I just noticed so many more opportunities. 

It made me realise how important the right heart and mind is to the Lord, it goes far beyond the passion and the enthusiasm that you have for Christ and for the gospel, actually, one of the biggest keys to a Christian is the right heart. That the heart will be as full as it can be of God's wisdom, so that we can be discerning about situations, people and words.

So this week is more courses at work, busy weekend, working! However, It'll be gooooood. =)

Righty, better go!

Turrah, xo

Heyyy. UPDATE!

My goodness me! Haha, I hadn't quite realised just how late I am in writing a new blog post. 19th of Oct?! That seems a century ago!

I have a lot that's happened, and to be totally honest, I can't be completely bothered to type it all out. However. Since bebo, facebook and all other possible sites that I seem to have joined, are being pretty much ignored right now, I thought I'd be loyal to my mates who don't hear from me all the time and keep them updated with my going's on!

Well. Where to start?

I guess you could start with today. 9th of November, Rememberence Sunday. It had actually been a pretty good day. Our cottage has now officially got a little bit warmer! Using our open fireplace, which I'm sitting beside right now, enjoying the heat ;) I love it when it gets cold enough to sit in front of a fire and fall asleep. Not that I get the chance to do anything like that very often. Had Kat, Cara and Mutch around for lunch today, was a really relaxed day actually.

Church + All that jazz. So, Mum and Dad have decided to check out Perth Nazarene church for a wee while. There's this new Pastor who's from the US, (to go hand in hand with the US youth pastor + his wife!) and seems to really have his head  on the right way with theology and faithfulness not only to the word of God, but also in his passion for real faith. So I guess you'll be assuming I'm sounding so positive that it's perfect for me too? Well. I don't know. Some folks who may read this, know how many churches I've been going to for... well, my whole life. And, in the midst of knowing that there is a good church for us, with teaching at the heart of it's structure, I'm still not settled on moving into the church- or any church that I've been to.

I can like parts of what a Church does, but never settle. I find it unexplainably hard to fit in with a group, or fit in with any new people within a church. Don't ask me why. I think it may be something to do with moving so much, and never being truly settled. But even past that, beyond all the uneasyness of movement within churches, and different denominations, I know God has set me apart for a different purpose.

To be quite honest, I could fire some ideas right at you, but I can't put my finger right on what God wants to lead me into regarding worship. See, the thing is, I think I'm only truly starting to understand the meaning of being in church everyday with my Father. 

What many of the Churches across the World, I feel, have missed, is the simple need that each and every one of us have to spend time in God's presence. Within faith, it is a person's desire, their very thirst, to come to God as a unified people and worship together. So many churches have forgotten that beyond structural time, heating temperatures in a church, money in the offering bag, that there stands Christians who come to a Church hoping to be stripped of their own worldly selfs and come to God together in a real, alive way. That kind of experience, is something that can happen on a bus on the way to Edinburgh, or at work, or at the dinner table. Church, the very sharing in the Kingdom of God, is coming to God and worshipping Him. It even goes far beyond songs of praise, or dancing round the pulpit during communion! Worship is coming to the Lord's presence, spending time to delve into His beauty and give him the honour. That means that even the quiet times we take during the evening or mornings can be hugely breathtaking moments, where we can simply read His word and commit back to Him our faithfulness and our praise.

So, why does that all matter? (Why won't Eli shut up?)

Truth is, I don't think any Church has the answer to perfection. I believe we're sitting in the waiting room of life, where Heaven is being eagerly awaited. Church is only a foretaste of much greater things to come. 

However. I didn't just write all that for the crack. Church, the community of people, its something that is really embedded into my heart right now. I know that the physical Church is something slipping away for so many. Even the Christians that are committed to top notch, are falling away from broken Churches that they believe cannot be trusted any longer.

I think, even some of the most passionate and most theologically based Christians can enroll into the ICC, can follow a strict routine of prayer each day and Church every Sunday and still not have experienced the real meaning of Church within.

Sometimes I find that hard to admit too also, the simple fact that I've been to so many churches now- many churches that are extremely structural and simply regard the moral life without a faith basis as being correct, and that I even find it so hard to experience the Church that God wants us to have a taste of every moment of every day.

I know God's is pulling strings in my heart pulling me into this sphere of the Church world. I feel almost detached about it though, because I know that a huge part of me simply fuels on my personal faith, sharing with God everything I am. But I also know that Church has fueled me too. Being a unified people is a strong foretaste of the great Kingdom of God. 

I've had it on my heart to be working with people. I don't know in what sphere of work, or in what period of time. I'm completely unsure as to where God will lead me in the next few years of my life. Whether he'll take me to study, or keep me working for missions organisations and outreaches. But, Church. What a word that is! And what words it must bring in people's minds. Whether its the words "boring" or "charismatic" or even "inspirational", within this culture, there is a distinct lack of God centered teaching going hand in hand with a strong openness to truly allow the Kingdom of God- the Church within us, to make its way into the Church building. Truth is, I think so many of us are scared witless of our faiths, because at the end of the day, sometimes the very Church we believe can strengthen us, is actually hindering us in not being openly passionate about the Gospel or simply about praise.

I'm not saying that every church is like this, nor that its something churches have done on purpose. Like I said, there will never be perfection in a Church's walls, but only in the Kingdom of God to come.

I believe the Lord has a work for me with that word- and with the people who have stereotypes or are even involved, so closely, with Churches. I don't know what yet, I don't know how- But I know my Saviour is leading me.

Bleh. That was a long rant. Haha. So apart from Church- I'm also keeping busy with work. I'm still working for Lendrick Muir- loving bits of it, and drawing close to God in all of it. I know he has me there for a purpose, and I'm following His will. I know its a training period for something to come! (hopefully not to be manager of a metro's loo block!) :P I'd appreciate your prayers for me and for everyone else at LM at this time. Its a big place, with lots of people, and whilst I very much know God is using us for great things, there are so many things to also be worked in.

My birthday is in 2 days! Oh my goooooosh! I'm getting OLD. Haha! Aw man, I just love remebering how much God has worked in me in the last years. From truly being a wretch, and to being so blind to God's love, He changed me completely and worked in me. He still is working on my heart and I know many people have commented on the fact they feel God is using me now, I truly only feel He has been exercising my faith for something else. I could rant on about all the hard points in the last 17 years, but there isn't any point, because I'm here now, only vaguely baby-steps truly into a faith that requires a lifetime of passionate and committed time and heart. I'm excited, and also a little scared for what He has ahead for me. I really know deep down something is to come that will change my world around.

So yeah... This Saturday kicks off all my great adventures with partaaays. Looking forward to it. 

Also, I'm looking into getting the Canon EOS50D, I've been wanting it for an age, and I'm hoping in the next month my dream will come true! =D

Your continual prayers for my family as a whole, those down south and up here in the north, would be more than appreciated right now. - My Grandpa seems to be getting a little worse, and the pain its causing for others is very upsetting. Just please keep Him in your prayers!

I just also want to give a really big thanks to those who have stuck by me this past 2 months, Faye- You have been a massive encouragement! I can't quite believe how God has strung us two together over the last while. I'm so thankful though that he did, you've been ameeezzin. ;)

All the other folk just checking to see how things are going... You have no idea how much friendship has meant to be in the last while, especially when there has been mixed emotions in my heart over everything.

To be honest. I know there are far worse things ahead, but God has been loyal to my heart, and I know that He is guiding me constantly.

"I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do, Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which the God has called me heavenward through Christ Jesus."

He holds the whole world in his hands!

Hey Guys,

Now is probably not the best time for me to be sitting here typing up my new blog entry. I've just got back from work, and am listening to the an album that makes me want to cry nearly every time I listen to it! Fun stuff! =P

Well things are busy here, life is busy, work is busy, my world is just in different places.

In the last month and a bit, I haven't even managed to answer back to a 'How are you?' with the words, 'I'm awesome!' Truth is, since I started getting as uberly busy as I have been with work etc, I've not been the same at all.

So for everyone that has been around me and is wondering why Eli is not the same old 'her', it's just likely she's not slept for long enough! =P

Things are real tough at the moment, and as much as I say I'm drawing closer to God, I can't defy how much pain and tiredness are in my heart right now.

Maybe some of you haven't felt what I'm feeling now, but it's the absolute sense of being too tired to carry on. Every part of what energy I have had seems to have left me, and I'm still pushing myself to move. It all feels like such a strain.

See the things is, I really do sometimes question why an earth God brings me to some things; and truth is, sometimes (most of the time), I really don't understand why an earth He thinks its a good idea. But to understand life and all its hardships- and its blessings, we need to understand the character of God as fully as we can.

You know that wee song we used to all sing when we were wee-ain's? The "He's got the whole world in his hands?... He's got the tiny little baby in His hands, He's got you and me brother in His hands"... how I underestimated that as a kid!

There have been moments over the last few weeks, where I've sat, cried my heart out to God and tried to understand why He wants me in so much despair. The more I take time to sit with the Lord, and spill all the worries on my heart into His beautiful hands, the more I understand the capability of the hands, and the heart of the God who they belong to.

You know, its so weird. When I was small, crying was never really a feeling as much as an acknowledgment of anger. I wasn't really one for crying on my parents shoulders- anger was my key emotion, and when the time came that I didn't have anything to take my anger out on, the tears would fall.

As I got older, things started to change a little, when I came to the Lord, anger was really removed from my heart (sure, I have moments when my anger still boils up inside me, but not often) but that made me as a person even more resilient to lock up my emotions inside.

I can honestly say, not a lot of my friends have come into contact with an 'Emotional Eli', not because I don't want them to know about my secret feelings, but simply because even in the hard points of life, even in the moments I feel like screaming my head off, and causing a scene- I know that God has simply pushed me to come to Him first, and pour out my heart to Him.

And you know, honestly, for a very long time, I haven't done that with my Saviour. Sat for a while, and cried my eyes out- and given all my worries and despairs to Him. I think I just got to a stage in my life where I didn't think tears where needed. But the last month has probed me into taking that time, just to cry with my Father.

And every tear that falls, I know he holds in His hands, "the hands that hold the world", and he understands each one. He has a deep connection with his children when they bring to Him, not just their problems, their hardships and inabilities, their passions and their ambitions, but actually when they come to Him with a bare heart, that reveals not only their life, but their heart felt emotions, that show God's clear and intricate creation. He created life; humanity he created with a unique ability to feel. Whether it be pain, or happiness; He knew that the love He so passionately felt for us, we should also have the chance to feel for Him.

So today, I have had such an empty void filling me, probably caused by so many tears in so little time- however, the Lord has been welcoming me in to His arms each and every moment of the day. He constantly wraps His arms around me, and understands my pain. My Saviour longs for my heart to be revealed to Him, not just through good times, but also through the bad. So that my hurt will allow me to understand just how much my God loves me, wants me to trust Him, and wants me to share a part of the real Eli with Him each and every day.

The song "He holds the whole world in His hands", just possesses so much more truth in it now that I think on those lyrics. You see, despite my own problems, and my own faith, I know that as a world, the God of my Heart, is holding out His hands, knowing that as a sinful people- we are also His. And that beyond tears, beyond pain and beyond any situation, His hands are enfolding each and every one of us. You see, God is King, and He reigns- He craves for us as a nation- as a country and as a world to share with him our hearts, because since the world began, the creator of the world simply wanted us also, to share in His heart too.

All the way the Saviour leads me.

There have been so many points where I've felt like giving up. Where I've felt like dropping everything and running ten thousand miles just to stop, and to think.

For the last week, all I've been wanting is a get-out. A fire exit door that can be used when I feel so entirely overwhelmed with hurt and stress.

But then I know that even with the heat of the fire, I can still survive.

"All the way the Saviour leads me."

I know the touch of his hand against my shoulder, urging me to go ahead, with Him at my side. Against all the storming heat of the fire - with the smoke and debreyy seemingly blocking all pathways before me, I can feel His presence. His inexplainable comfort whilst he tells me "It'll all be okay." And as I push my way through, sometimes even picking up small burns on the way - little etchings of hurt and turmoil - I start to see clearer through the influx of smoke before me. I can see a pathway ahead; I know I've been on this path for a reason. He doesn't leave me.

Even when I can't see a way forward, He continues to walk with me, shoulder to shoulder. I can hear His voice, even with the spluttering of sparkling flames, and the choke of the walls falling down all around me. He stays the same. He remains steadfast, and doesn't let me fall down even with the heat.

He keeps encouraging me forward, baby step at a time. I recognise He knows best. Trust. I really do trust Him. Sometimes I look behind me, even for an instant, and I see a glimpse of the past- the dark, grimy walls so attacked by the smoke; but when I start to turn my face again to the pathway ahead, I see instantly the walls behind completely fall. The past is forgotten. God's peace rests on me.

Sometimes the smoke and fire calms down- and sometimes the light of the dark room I seem to be in, grows. There is hope all around. At other points, I feel claustrophobic by the engulfing flames.

So much hurt. So much pain. All around me, the walls, the light, the flames; they all change. Sometimes there is even a slight twist in the pathway and I don't understand where it is going.

Yet, He constantly leads me. Through all of the darkness and all of the hopelessness, He takes me to the target. He brings me closer. He constantly holds my hand, telling me that it will all be "alright". 

I finally understand looking into His eyes, His faithful, beautiful eyes- the eyes of a Saviour - that as He takes me through even the hard times, the pathway, leading me through life, the steps are bringing me to His heart.

He carries me, closer and closer to His heart.

I know His goodness and Mercy have followed me.

You led me Lord, You lead me now.

Your goodness and mercy are with me, around me, In me. 

I step closer and closer to Your heart.

=)

I'm so sorry to everyone I'm finding it hard to keep up with! Trust me, there's more than a few! With working full time, even in the time I have off- I get so tired... so, big apology to those who have been expecting replies! You will get them. Just not immediately!

Hope everyone is doing greaaaaat. =D I miss all our chats loads! If you read the blog below, you'll know that work so far is a little hard, but I know God's promising a year of training ahead. And of complete devotion to Him.

So... don't take it personally if you don't hear back from me in a while. I'm either busy at work, Very tired... Or just can't be bothered with Bebo! =P I sometimes sign on and just see what's happening on the 'home'... but apart from that, I don't always get time to reply to all comments/mails!

So... Big hey to those who I havent spoken to in a while- drop me a mail (if you already haven't) and I WILL reply at some point!! Promise ;)

God's been teaching me a lot already in the last month, and a lot of its been tough lessons, but he's moulding me into a better person day by day. I'm learning to be patient and graceful in the face of so many trials and hardships.

I just want to encourage you to step out of your door each day, into your school, your church, your job, college/uni (you name it...) and go out knowing that today could be your last day. I love that part of the Bible where Jesus explains that tomorrow will take care of itself. If we don't practice the fruits of the spirit in our own lives- in our own situations, then we'll never get anywhere.

Jesus teaches that in any situation, we're to be like Him. We're to react to things in the best way and always be kind of heart. When we're truly like that, the fruits of the spirit really do take shape. They become the essence of who we are and they constantly give off a fragrance that mirrors a heart on fire for God.

When we walk out of our doors, we should await not only a beautiful collision of goodness within, but also an openness to work with, to listen to, to talk with, others who we come into contact with.

See, the fruits of the spirit are not all about restrictions, they are the very seeds planted in our hearts that blossom and make us the most transparently luminous Christians out there. The true fruits of the spirit are what make people who have chosen Jesus, totally alive and different from the rest.

Long needed blog!

Man, I have so needed to do this blog for ages! I feel very bad for not getting the time, but hey, I'll fill you in on all that I can fill you in on.

Won't go into depth with work- but just to let you know, that your continual prayers would be more than appreciated for me now, and for the rest of the staff. As you may guess, our work is massive- we not only deal with big numbers, but its actually quite a big task too. So God's control is more than vital. Just a big thank you to those who have been praying for me over the last few months- these prayers mean so much!

Had an awful few days with bad news. Having left Mum to travel South for a week- we've heard of so many of our good friends picking up things from A-Z, brain tumors, and immune system diseases too! I guess the Casting Crowns song 'Praise you in this storm' is something that keeps coming back to me. I think we sometimes forget how big situations can be compared to us. We are completely out of control of so many things and its only when we listen through the lashing rain and the thundering winds, that we know God is calling out or names and asking us to simply trust.

I guess over the last month, 'trust' and its meaning has just become so much more real to me. In all the insecurity of life and our futures, trust in God's authority of our plans is so essential and yet sometimes so hard to actually put into practice. "Trust is the firm reliability of someone or something" It's not that when we step into faith, trust is just something that tags along with belief. Because, belief is something completely different. Trust is all about relationship- its all about grasping the idea of falling back into the arms of the Saviour. It's not just believing his arms are there, but understanding that He wants to catch us, and we want to fall into His arms willingly.

See, truth is, over the last month, I feel like a complete different person. I know people have asked me about this, and to be honest, I'm not sure what to say. I'm not sure if its just tiredness, or if God's making me a new creation day by day. Like inside me, there is this moulding session. I feel so apart from the world- even from life. When I'm at work, its great, but I don't feel like I'm part of the world I was in before I came.

Somebody commented on the fact that I should be careful when I come out of SU, because the world isn't like that at all. I think God's just been reassuring me that this year (maybe even longer! I can't believe I'm saying that. No catering though. I couldn't cope. =P) is a simple training period. Not just learning my ounces from grams, but drawing close to His magnificent glory and understanding His love in a more passionate and integral way. I guess thats why I feel a little different. 5th year in school and this year, man- I'm a complete opposite. Because I feel like I'm being spiritually trained, I feel I'm spiritually maturing- it's almost like I am literally "not of this world" 5 days a week. And even through the weekends, I feel at peace with God, that He knows what He's doing, and that He has so much more for me to learn.

I really wonder what I'll be like outside of Lendrick Muir and whether I'll turn out to be a different person. Whether I'll still almost be in this zone of spiritually training (which I know is a lifetime process) or if I'll adapt to being a Christian that can make a change in a non-Christian society that so needs to know the love of God in a social and interactive way.

Even so, I'm coping with stress in the kitchens, with tiredness to the ultimate level and a lot going on with the family. I'm realising even more how much my family have been rocks to be in the last year. (Sure, they were supportive to me beforehand, but I never liked to recieve their support! =P) I just thank God that He is in charge. I thank Him that He wants me to trust him fully, so that when I feel like falling- when I know that I can no longer keep that strength going, that His arms will be outstretched and that He will carry me back home.

I have a real passion to make a difference in my area and beyond. Whether God has that planned for me this year is a different story- lets just say, a youth group in my village would be a vision that very much I feel needs prayer. Also a church here- whilst we have the C of S, we just pray that God will use us as a family to do his work in our home. So that we can come into contact with people who think church is all about pews and hymns.

So I guess that is kind of my news! I'm sure there is more! But thats all for now!

A quick note about yesterday though! Great fellowship for Row's baptism, and an awesome load of people there.

Anyways! I'm hitting the sack! Cheerio!

-Friend of Jesus,

Elii xo [:

woo!

I've been stuck with the cold now for 4 weeks.

Its actually so awful.

I'm more tired than ever.

Hey. Life is interesting!

Got a new FROG band today which has actually made my day- relying on God keeps me fueled man! :P

Anyways, a quick post to show I'm not forgetting- and truly, I'm not. I just get back from work and feel so tired that I can't be bothered!

GB!

-

Inner Beauty lasts beyond time or measure. Embrace the moments to warm your soul with Grace, Peace, Joy; but most of all, Love. Love will shape you, enfold you and guard you. Far beyond the fleeting beauty of a face, love is the very transparency to show the indescribable beauty of a soul created by a Creator who's heart is bursting full of  devotion, adoration and affection for His Children. 

Newwws.

Hey [:

Wow, so I'm getting so bad at keeping this blog going! I even noticed that with my emails- the people I most want to email, I forget about so easily! How life changes aye?! =P

Ach, had an incredibly busy week. Having started full time work on Monday, I had Wednesday off, but been on the house team and catering for the week. We have a group of 120 people arriving at 8.00 tonight so I was preparing their supper and tomorrow's breakfast. It's an early start tomorrow! 9.00am work- (actually, thats a lie in for me! I usually work at 8.30am- score!) and loads to do in the day. I finish up Sunday late afternoon and then have Monday off! Uber chill then I think!

So... News. Mhairi (Or Mars as it seems everyone now knows her as) got a job with my Father. LOL. And the first comment I get about her first day is "Your dad rocks! He buys Domino's pizza for lunch!" Ace. I really have to question why we don't get the same treatment at home! Haha.

Keeping busy over the next few weeks and months with work. Turns out I'm going to a lot of courses too. A First Aid course, a Health and Hygeine course- oh, and check this, I'm also going to be trained in Archery! It means I can finally really get involved with schools work! (Hopefully :P) That's if I can actually get away from the numerous Scones and Marshmallow slices that are crowding around my life at the moment.

Hmm, what else to share? Well, My family has decided to start a worship evening here at the house on Wednesday evenings- including a meal! Oh yeaah. ;] It's pretty good because we don't really have a church at the moment, so this will be a nice wee change.

We've had a load of people come to us in the last couple of days and just share the simple fact that SAE has been a part of their conversion- its so exciting to hear that God is at work in the page! [:

So, life is busy. But good. To be honest, I'm just looking forward to a free-er weekend!

I'm going through Isaiah 43 right now... and man, is it good. If you have time, check it out! =D

Gb,

-friend of Jesus

Eli [: xo

Past.

Haha! Man, you have no idea how appropriate my last blog was for how I'm feeling right now.

I just had a quick whiz through old emails. When I say old, I mean when I was about 14. Like, the days when you thought you were really quite mature, but looking back, it's hilarious to imagine the things you used to do.

I just read an email my parents sent Mic- big guy, lives in Aberdeen... drinks a lot of Irn Bru. [: It was this proposed trip to the Deen that some of my mates and me had. Anyway, it all ended up getting in a mad argument. Basically, my parents didn't want me to go up because 1: they didn't trust Mic and 2: didn't really trust me.

It makes me laugh so bad contrasting that to now. My parents trust me with almost anything- I travel quite a lot. I'm not even in the house as much as I used to be.

It's just so weird- to look back and imagine the past. I'm a full time worker now, who will be driving in the next two months. Whoahh. When did the fast-forward button get pushed? I can remember the first trip to Aberdeen. The days when my parents texted and phoned to make sure I was 'safe'. Or even just those trips to the town every Saturday. Its remembering things that is more weird than ever. Because you start to wonder where the links are in your timeline.

Like, where did I learn to be mature and trustworthy? And when? And when did I learn to make the right friends? Because, somewhere along the line, I have.

In some ways, there is a part of me thanking God for having brought me here, to this age and to this stage of life. Because I know I have so much more to learn, but I feel so much more wise! And some people will be reading this and laughing their heads off. Haha. But man, I feel so much older than ever before right now. 

In other ways, I'm dying to go back.

You know, its true that it's good to make mistakes and learn from them. Its also true that I myself learn best from mistakes. But; every time I look back and notice the massive change in situations, people, and most of all me. It just shows even more clearly how fast life is. Those moments we cherish only last seconds in a lifetime. The good times and even the bad, all just are a fleeting moment.

And looking into the past, it can be so funny, and even a little hurtful at times. But you know, it doesn't half remind you of the need for us to live like today is our last day.

Change.

Yesterday was absolute manic. I was volunteer catering for the farewell do for all those leaving this year from SU. It was buffet style- but loads of work. Worked from 8.30am-9.00pm! Ugh dear. I was completely run off my feet! Haha. Even so, good experience.

Actually, sort of looking forward to being in the kitchens more. Its a nice change. But for a year? Well, it'll be interesting anyway.

So, slept till like 12 noon this morning! Missed phonecalls and all that jazz. Oh dear! =P Even so, so needed the sleep. I think I'm gonna do some baking this morning and pick up some Irn Bru! Mhairi hits Glenfy tonight! Oh yeah Baby! :D

Busy few weeks ahead! I of course start full time work on Monday. This Saturday is hill walking... and Sunday I'm gonna chill! =D Monday-Tuesday, work work work. Wednesday is my day off- so hoping to see Mic then! :D And maybe even Claire! Funn shtuff!

Then Thursday- Sunday is my next shift. Oh yeaaah! I'm catering for a massive weekend. Woohoo!

God has definitely got something massively challenging for me this year- I'm just praying he'll get me through it!

Kind of feel a little low this morning- not spiritually, just... the word 'change' seems to be more real than ever to me.

At the start of the year, change wouldn't have been greatly expected or warmly received. However, 2008 has been a weird year, where everything seems to have gone wrong. But now that I look at it, its not that its gone wrong, its more that its just changed.

Thing is, the biggest thing of all is that I've changed with it. And looking back, almost makes me cringe at the person I was. And the things that I fell into.

Thats why this year is something I just know God is going to use to touch me. I know that things are going to change even more- my life has completely changed around. And I want to remember that even when the storms hit home, I have a Saviour who wants to hold my hand through all the roughs.

What an awesome God!

-Friend of Jesus,

Eli [: xo 

I'm backbackback!

Whooah. Well, that was a few days of madness!

I really am so tired- calculated it all this morning. Thats me been away from home (with occasional stop ins) for 6 weeks! Lovely. I start work on Monday too- so that should be even more interesting. Trying to juggle sleep, work, SAE and social life is going to be hard. Ach, up for the challenge =P

Even so, forget the tiredness. My gosh- what an exceptional few days?!

I went thinking... "Oh my word... this is going to be rather boring. A few days of being inducted into SU." Worst thing was, I was also sick the morning we were going to leave- it was really rather horrible, having a mix of this throaty/heady cold and a sickness bug was just not nice. However, I went. Soso glad I did. It was 3 days of rather busy times yet it was in the most strange way also a time of having a "retreat". Really getting away, concentrating on God and concentrating on the next year in hand.

So, we were up North in Aviemore. In an SU base called Alltnacriche. Man- how different it is compared to Lendrick Muir. In a good way! It's one of these places that no matter how far you are from the house, you know your not going to get lost. There's a sense of just walking and knowing you have time to listen and to meditate on the things God has spoken to you today. So different from LM- at LM, you can so easily get lost in the forest! There's also just not such a strong sense of family there. Alltnacriche is a family home- you can sense that. Just to set the scene (=P), it's a picturesque house, overlooking large grounds, abounding hills and a stream with a bridge is situated just a few steps away from the door. Rabbits, Pheasents and Squirrels galore!

Every day we were stuffed with seminars, with prayer points and with LOTS of coffee! Half of those seminars were based on the work we were going to be doing with SU and what was connected with it. Such as professionalism or supporting the finance etc. The other half were seriously digging into the word of God. We had a guy called Graham Black there who was really great at what he was doing.

We worked through 1 Samuel- which I have to say, I've never completely understood well, however, I really grasped it there. We also had a seminar which was called 'Bible Engagement"- or "Personal time". Basically it addressed the whole aspect of our quiet times and meditation points with God. We were taught a different way of going through a part of the Bible- which was very helpful, then encouraged to take time out for half an hour to go out onto the grounds or in the house, and take time with one verse. It was absolutely great- I have always encouraged others to take the Bible bit by bit, because I know how exhausting and how confusing it can be to stuff information in by the bundle. Taking it 1 verse at a time though was really taking the pace slow- however, it surprised me how much I could get out of it.

Over the last 6 weeks I have been so busy with different things- trips, work etc. The staff induction was to me meant to be work, however, it really was a retreat. The one thing that my other trips didn't offer me (such as Keswick) was the time on my own to go and pray, or to think. It just really showed me clearly how important again it is to spend alone time with God. Sure, we might not have squirrels skippering about before us, or a stream and bridge, however, time is time. And moments with God go far beyond time. They should be moments cherished, moments we are excited and passionate about.

I so have to commit to being more structural with where I fit everything else. I want God to come first- and time with Him, it changes not only your day, but also your perspective.

Working through Samuel was also so inspirational and encouraging. At the very young aye of three, Samuel was already a boy committed to His Lord and Saviour. We were pushed to not just have a Positional relationship with God (being before God) but also to have a relational side to our faith- (we must have a connection with God and a one to one friendship).

Although Black's teaching was the highlight, there was far more to the few days. We had to apply lots of things to our work with SU. There were points where the house team group couldn't apply a lot of the teaching- however, it was agreed that we actually, as cleaners, do see kids even far more than some of the school workers do.

The few days were solely time to give to God. We got to know one another, got to put faces to names, but really, for me, I felt a deep connection with God that I've needed to have over the summer so dearly. Its moments that you can stop, put the God-breathed teaching into your heart, store the word of God that you have heard, and just spend time thanking Him for who He is and what He has given.

Again, its been a renewal of the need for prayer. I can't stop telling people that if you have a heart for God and for doing things for God- if you have an evangelistic calling, then begin it all in prayer. Its my belief that without God being involved in the mission that you want to begin, then its a false attempt at doing something that God needs to be a part of.

Meeting up with the Gap year girls too was really great. Its going to be good working with a few of them, however I know I am restricted to the kitchens more than anything for the next six months. That will be a little hard- however, I am just praying that God will equip me.

I have no doubts in believing that He brought me here for a reason. I also believe God brought me to it, because he does know that I can go through it with his help. This quote keeps coming back to me- "God does not call the equipped, but equips the called." I just feel that that quote sums up my job at the moment. I have no particular skilling in catering, however I do feel he will equip me in knowledge, patience and confidence.

Being away at the retreat sometimes makes you feel a little bit dizzy when you get back home. Its bad news to hear my Grandad is once again in hospital- yet, there are some blessings in that He has spent time with my Gran recollecting the past and taking a look at the good times. 

A little bit of the bad news also is that, I'm still quite ill. Rubbish thing is, I start work on Monday (full time) but I'm also working tomorrow. Its just a little bit annoying that I'm still not myself. I really don't have bundles of energy and feel a little drained still. However, I have every belief that the sniffles will go when I get praying- if your reading this and could pray too- that would be fab!

So, I actually felt like I should write my blog post first. Get it all off of my chest! Bebo doesn't seem to be working- maybe God is telling me something! =P I realised half way through last night that I actually hadn't been thinking about Bebo at all up North. Doesn't that show you something?! =P

So I have a farewell dinner tomorrow to cater for. A meeting to attend. Friday is my day to chill! Going to spend it with God! Then Sat, few of us going for a walk. Sunday- another God day! Yass. :D

I think I'm going to pester my Dad and get my provisional liscence tonight. Woop!

Anyways, 

I'm back! (FOR GOOD)

-Friend of Jesus,

Eli [: xo 

Big Celebration... Being commissioned. I'm a part of a bigger plan.

Its been a while. I'm sorry!

So, a little bit of a mad weekend. (Little?! Seriously- I'm so tired!)

Rowan arrived on Friday, by this time, I was feeling a tiny bit better from the cold- however, it got worse. We spent the evening making video's and stuff... and awaiting my mum to arrive home from her 60 mile bike ride. 

So its not usual for my Mum to have ridden so long, or ridden at all actually. However, if some you guys don't know, my Mum also works for SU Scotland. (That's one thing I forgot to say earlier in my posts, I will be working alongside my Mum this year. Don't know whether thats a good thing or bad. I've yet to find out I think. =P) Even so, she had organised a bike ride from Altnacriche (Aviemore), to Lendrick Muir (Crook of Devon) with about ten people, to raise money for SU centres over Scotland. Just over 100 miles. My mum did the first half with my wee sister, and my Dad then did the second half, with my sister again. Mum came back home on Friday night walking like a penguin, and with bags under her eyes the size of elephants!

Rowan and me were then at the Big Celebration on Saturday. I wasn't going to work- considering I was feeling so ill. However, I went in. Worked with some really great people all day. In fact- I felt like I was dying for the most part of it, but I did have a good time. It was just under a 12 hour shift, which integrated in with the Big celebration final meeting. We catered for an expected 400 people, however 400 people didn't show up. In any case, I was making pizzas, muffins and salads. It might not sound that exciting, but it was alright.

Saw Ali and Faye- Man, I love these guys. Faye is a lovely girl. Got her heart and head right there in with God- so much respect to her and her faith. [: Ali. Well, he's just Ali. =P Legend of course... These guys both help out on SAE. Was good to see them and have a very quick catch up! Was also with Catriona for a while- girl from camp. Was class too.

So the Big celebration meeting was interesting! My name showed up on screen and I ended up having to be at the front and be prayed for and commissioned. It was slightly weird in some ways. They prayed something like, "God has taken you this way. He has opened this door". What is it with God, me, and the word 'door?'

I really can't say that until yesterday night, I had a very clear idea of what I was truly doing. Yes, it's true to say that I knew God was calling me. But more than anything, last night was an eye-opener to just how much what I'm doing will hopefully count. Standing in front of 200-300 people wasn't something I was quite expecting to do. Yet, over the next year, I'm going to be working with hundreds of kids, adults and teens - in fact, I'm going to be a part of an organisation that works with kids all over Scotland. We're not just talking hundreds- we're crossing thousands. From working in camps, to working with kids in schools all over. SU Scotland is a name that a surprising amount of people have heard. And yet- it even goes further than that! Scripture Union is touching people worldwide! I'm just another one running the race.

Its the first time I've been commissioned. I've spent the last 12 years in school. In a place where my only motive has been to learn and to make the grade. Yes, my year at SU will be to learn. I don't doubt I'll finish it with a lot more maturity, with a lot more confidence and hopefully lots of recipes to be remembered! But, I feel this year will also be to reach out and to touch. God has so clearly put me here, and it's humbling. So humbling to know this is his plan! I'm part of something huge- something that has touched many of my friends hearts.

Serving lots of hungry kids will hopefully not just be my only task at Lendrick Muir- but I'm hoping that feeding some of the spiritually hungry kids will be something that I will also come across.

Maybe last night was just a realisation that I've got so much to learn and so much to do, but yet, I'm part of not just an amazing organisation, but also I'm part of God's plan! My dream of working with kids is actually coming true! 

Don't doubt God's faithfulness, He really will stick by you.

So, this next week holds much more activity. Sleeping till ten doesn't help with my tiredness anymore! (Oh dear!) Monday to Wednesday I travel up North in a minibus with Helen's iPod 70s music  (according to her), and will be going to a SU Staff induction. Little nervous- still to meet the new gap year team and meet some of the people that are working all over for SU Scotland- Glasgow and Altnacriche included. Prayer would be so greatly appreciated!

On Thursday, I have a meeting to discuss my new job- prayer again, even in these small things... is so needed.

From Friday to Sunday I have my last few days of freedom (unless I'm called to work over the weekend). What oh what shall I do in these lovely few days?! Ideas are wanted!

God Bless you all!

-Friend of Jesus,

Eli [: xo 

Slept too much.
Feel Awful.
Should go back to Bed.
Read My Bible quite a bit.


Oh, and Rowan arrives tomorrow.
We're going to PARTAY.
However, I can hardly speak.


Greaaaat.

SAEEEEE.

WOOP.
So, Music night this eve on SAE- going ace I think! [:

Kind of awful day to be honest... I'm ill. I blame Mars and Euan- I feel so bad. Haha. Oh well.

Except from doing a tad of ironing, a few SAE vids... I just prayed.

One thing that I can't get over is the joy tat speaking to God brings. I mean, seriously, just chatting with Him is so essential! :D

Anyways, better get back to SAE!

Turrah.

-Friend of Jesus,

Eli [: xo

Things are coming, coming, coming together with SAE! Woo! =D If you don't get what SAE is, www.bebo.com/-s-a-e- is the place to check all things out!

YES! WE DID IT! We revamped! And okay, so I'm getting excited about a small revamp... and, yes, it's true to say that there isn't a huge amount of people come on. But there has been people. Our changes are fresh, jazzy and could hold so much potential.

And hey, I'm not doubting God's hand over the site. What I've grown to understand with God is that, even when things seem to be at their lowest of lows, God is sometimes just testing us to see if we trust Him even in the storm. SAE was so hard to give up to God. Sounds so silly- but you know what, when you get attached to something, it becomes your life, your time; you sometimes forget that actually instead of you making more worry over it than you maybe should, pass the bundle on to God. Though hard for us to understand, God appreciates us being able to trust him with our burdens.

So, to be honest, seeing the members number go up, comments being sent a little more and the general attitude to the new revamp being all good- I feel so grateful for God actually pushing me to work on the site. Gosh, SAE brought me the biggest part of my maturity. I had to learn to acknowledge problems bigger than any I had ever been faced with before. Some people question my age, ach, I can only be thankful to God for giving me a mind that has learnt to work with situations of all kinds. I'm not 'further ahead'. I just have been able to watch some of the world. By the world, I don't mean the hills, the mountains and the seas (If I did, it would mean I would have actually gone abroad before :P), I think the world is almost shaped and carved by its people. Watching people, getting to know people- it really widens your horizons of the world we live in.

So, I guess I'm coming to you this evening with a joyful heart! Fireworks haven't started on SAE, but its nice to see it kicking off a little more. I have trust that God will create bigger things in the months to come! Exciting or what?!

So, we had a good day! Mars banter. (Apparently, I was chuckling in my sleep last night. Since when have my dreams been that funny?) We shopped till we dropped. Quite literally. It was a wee treat for both of us having passed our exams rather well! I'm armed with pretty jazzy clothes and oh my word- best bit, I have wellies! =D

Met Euan half way through the day. He said I was boring. Then complained that we sit in silence for too long. (Thing is, Mars and me are around each other too often to actually pay attention to our moments of quiet. In fact, the moments of quiet are cherished. :P)

Journey back was rather awful. The bus stank of fish. (Euan decided to inform me that a man in his bus with a mullet had farted. Great.) But hey, I'm home!

I love seeing my family after a wee while of having not been with them. It's not so much that I miss them, but that I just enjoy their company. Their a great bunch.

So, I have a day to myself tomorrow. Clean the house maybe? :P Shhh. Don't tell Mum. Last time I did it, she got a surprise when she came through the door. It was madness. Even so, the house was grand. But the real question is, what time shall I manage to get up? =P

I'll leave you with the most interesting and biggest news.

I HAVE OFFICIALLY LEFT SCHOOL.

It feels good. Surprisingly! Something in my heart tells me that God has had it in His plan from the start. So anyone who's sitting here reading this and thinking to themselves that they are most definitely staying for their final year of school; don't make your mind up so hastily. God has a way of changing things. Especially when you don't expect it.

That's one really amazing thing about God. At each moment of life, He always has a plan, but he always keeps you entertained (or busy) with whatever it is. Thing we sometimes forget is that He actually always has it in his hands, we always just like to take more of the load.

Ach. Time to really lean on Him. IN ALL THINGS. :D

-Friend of Jesus,

[: Eli xo 

Understanding a little further...

Heyyyy!

Wow. So I feel a little bit better this evening.

Woke up at 12:30! Haha... But man, I so needed that sleep! Still do to be honest! =P Even so, had a nice wee morning just relaxing. Missed church- but apparently it wasn't that good anyways!

So, I guess I should probably explain a wee bit about church for you guys. Well, at the current moment, my family and I don't have one. I guess there's a couple of reasons for that. Firstly, we're all a mixed bunch. My mum came from a strict baptist family and my Dad was a Free church dude. Through the last couple of years I've been to baptist churches, free churches, evangelical churches, Church of Scotland's, Pentecostals and the list probably goes on. It's kind of hard to keep up with them all. I have no complaints about going to so many different churches, actually its one thing I really appreciate about my experience with it all. Going to so many churches allows me to actually understand different traditions and understand what is the normal structure to a service.

However. Not having a church for the last year has been really hard for my family. Plainly because as a family we feel we need a church (another family) to support us, to keep us regenerated in God's word. Truth is, we're a very, very close knit family (Praise God! =P I wouldn't trade them for the world. They've been an inspiration, a help and a blessing. I think we've been a blessing to each other.) and not having church as part of our life is so difficult. Through the last months, we've persevered in having God as the head of the house. With having quiet times, even moments of song! There is a deep sense of wanting to follow God in our home. We just hope though that church will become an aspect in our lives again. I really miss it.

Tonight I was at the Nazarene church (Oh yes, that's another church that we go to!) at one of its specials. I went feeling pretty down about faith and life. Having had a stressful 5 weeks, with camp, trips and obviously our very unexpected trip to England, my head has been completely zapped. I have felt so tired and also very confused about next steps.

Its true to say, that I really shouldn't be confused about my next steps. And to be honest, I'm not really. I think I'm more afraid of them.

Working at Lendrick Muir shall be an interesting year. I was thinking this morning- "God, for the last month/year, I've been so deeply praying for mission. I have felt the deep burden of Scotland on my heart and felt Keswick was just another calling to go and do something for You. So you bring me to the door- I'm waiting so anxiously for the great work to be opened. And yet, you bring me here. To a year of cleaning and cooking. How can that possibly glorify You?"

And to be truthful, I've been thinking that for the last month since the job was offered. Seriously, how can cleaning toilets take me anywhere? But tonight really opened my eyes up to where God is going to take me.

Luke chapter 5:1-11 talks of how Jesus approaches Peter and asks him to be a "fisher of men". It talks about how Peter goes out onto the river and instantly, the fish are brought in- all because Jesus promises that they would. When Peter put down the nets, he instantly followed. He knew that Jesus was not only powerful, but also to be trusted.

I do feel such a calling on my heart. I can't explain the deep burden that I have on me to witness to people (especially in my country) about the Lord. I feel like Peter in so many ways, I'm actually so wanting to drop my nets and just go- to be a fisher of men.

The one thing that was brought out this evening was this verse in Luke 5 -

"But at your word I will let the nets down"

See, the thing is, Peter trusted that Jesus' word alone would be enough. And the one thing that I know I need to understand is that Jesus has opened up the door of LM for a reason. And its for that reason that I shall go through it.

And you know what, I think cleaning toilets, and chopping tatties may take me somewhere else in later life that will far surpass my own expectations. I'm so glad that God holds the reins over my life rather than I. I mean, I'm terrified about this year. But I know that what it holds will be a blessing. I'm looking forward to a fresh start and a bigger commitment to God.

I've been on an all time low with God for the last week. I think it's more to do with the fact that death is creeping up on someone I love. Not only that, but I've also been feeling so drained. Being back in church has given me some serious passion.

We sang this well known hymn, written my Townend:

"In Christ alone"

This verse just really hits home right now.

'No guilt in life, no fear in death -
This is the Pow'r of Christ in me;
From life's first cry to final breath,
Jesus commands my destiny.
No pow'r of hell, no scheme of man,
Can ever pluck me from His hand;
Here in the pow'r of Christ I stand.'

I realise that I finally have to step back, not only breathe a little, but grow to understand that this deep calling- if it is God's calling will take place in His timing. And hey- My grandad will be standing in the pow'r of Christ not just today, but tomorrow- and forever.

It's so encouraging to know that there are a congregation of people, far beyond our comprehension joining with us to stand in His power.

I thought of this other thing this morning - (yeah, my brain is working today! :P) I was just thinking of the word 'reign'. And thinking of what it truly means.

See I think there are so many ways to make 'reign' mean something within us. I think we have to understand that God must reign in all his authority in our lives- we have to understand that he has to take the reins for us to go anywhere! And we also have to allow him to reign in our lives something of his goodness. If we don't accept his blessings, then we won't be blessed. And nor will our work for His Kingdom.

I know I'm finding it difficult to get my head round the fact that this year I'll only be doing small things in contributing to the organisation Scripture Union, but I'm blessed to be working for a Christian organisation full-stop. I'm so happy that I can be doing something for God. I don't have any trouble in trusting that he will bring me to better things soon though.

I just pray that I'll learn to trust that He has a plan in what I do. And that when the door seems just too hard to see, that he'll open up some windows.

I'm on fire for God- "He's a consuming fire!" It's time to get stuck back into God's word, I need sleep and revitalising! Haha.

Catch ya's all soon!
:D

-Friend of Jesus,

Eli xo [:

Madd week!

Hey!

I'm sorry its been so long- I've been so busy! 

Monday- Friday we were down South in Oxfordshire. It was a really hard time, but also encouraging in many ways. Sometimes you don't realise the extent to which your family can join together and work together to make things happen. I guess that's one thing God has really blessed us with.

It was a busy week to be honest. I guess I packed figuring that I'd be stuck in Gran's all day, whilst my mum worked. But it turns out that we spent over 4 or 5 hours in the hospital or in Oxford, and the rest doing other multiple things. I went to a fish market- okay, so it was well funny, the Watford, North London woman was asking my gran if she was buying fish for her "toy boy". Haha! Well, they got to talking about how my Granpi was in hospital and how the "fish people" send their love. I guess in many ways, it just makes you think how much some elderly folk must appreciate people that interact with them in such ways. To know that even someone as random, and as insignificant as those on the fish market, are offering my Gran a conversation that will brighten up her day just that bit more is really encouraging.

So, I'm not saying the time in the hospital was easy- it was very hard to watch him in such pain. But then, I think we all understand that what God has put my Grandpa through- My Grandpa can easily work through. If he couldn't, God wouldn't have made it in such a way.

Even so, it was great through the week because Jenni came and hung about with me. We ate chips over at the hospital. Drank Bru whilst Mother and Gran drove away. Watched 'Walk the Line' and bought three Johnny Cash albums for £3. [: Oh yes. I mean, Me and Jenni have to have banter no matter what!

I got to see my wee cousin on Friday too- she's 2 years old now. She's also incredibly cute and just learning to really talk!

The drive back up North was awful- took us 9 and a half hours. And gosh, we were so tired. Although, I had been drinking a lot of relentless and fizzy juice. I was way too hooked up on caffeine.

So I guess we're going into a new week- and man, I wish I could just sit still for one moment, and make the time stop. Hold down the minutes and the seconds, and just breathe. I haven't had a moment to do that yet.

Went up to my Gran's graveyard today. It's weird to think back just a few months to standing at the funeral, watching the coffin go down. I mean, it all seems too much of a blur to be real. I'm exhausted by everything. Haha!

So, I hope to make the SAE changes by Monday. Close call as always. Really wondering what God has in store for SAE what with me having accepted the full time job of cleaner and catering assistant at Lendrick Muir- SU. (I start Sept 1st!) I'm kind of wondering whether SAE is worth continuing. I don't know. Maybe it's a lack of energy. Either way, need to get praying.

I guess the church situation isn't helping either. Whilst we've searched everywhere- we just can't seem to find a church for us. Maybe it is time to look further than we had ever expected. I can't wait to get driving! I should be getting my provisional in the next week or two. I'm hoping that it actually means I can go to a church I feel comfortable in. We'll see.

Anyways. Times plodding on, and I think my bed calls. Hopefully I'll be keeping blogging as much as I can! The last few days have just been uberly rushed though.

- Friend of Jesus,

Eli xo [: 

Toooz day!

Yeeeoo.

So its been a long day! Was so hoping for a lie in, but apparently the freak out of my mum's wireless connection was far more important and worth screeching in my ear about. Mum's aye? =P

Spent the morning kind of chilling- ie- numerous cups of teas and a little bit of sunbathing. =P Then went to the hospital. Turns out my gran was trying to get into a hospital room that wasn't even grandpa's. Haha, was amusing! When we did find him, it was a little unresting. Just because, living up north, I haven't seen him properly since he's grown so ill. There were lots of things I picked up on and being around a hospital again really scared me! I did have to go out for an hour or so- just meant I could catch up with Mars though.

We just had this massive dinner as well! :P We took my gran to Tesco, where she doesn't normally go at all! And she had a ball trying to find everything she needed. Because her eyesight is so bad, she ended up looking for lettuce in the chicken fillet section!

I plan on resting this evening. Gosh, I thought it was only when you got old that you started to really understand tiredness. But I can't believe how tired I am at the moment- I think its more a bundle of stress and busy-ness. Even so, being down south at the moment is the best thing we can do. We are being useful- even in small ways. It's just from today that I think we're more aware of how long we expect life to be, and yet how short life can be too. No matter how much there is a chance of extended days, even those days will get shorter.

Heyy- it's great though that in Heaven there will be no more days- just everlasting heavenly worship!

Tomorrow looks to be another busy day! I was kind of a bit gutted because I never got to drive today, so I plan on driving tomorrow early on. My mum and Gran want to head to the fish market of all places! Then we're meeting Jenni and heading to the hospital once more.

I think things will be better with Jenni around anyway. It means things might be a little more chilled [:

Anywayss, Must go!

-Friend of Jesus,

Eli xo [:

England is pretty darn hot!

Man, so the journey took us 8 hours- I'm exhausted! 10 minutes of kip. And the rest trying to make sure my mum didnt fall asleep- ach, im glad we're here!

So we just spent the last hour on skype with my dad showing my gran the house. =D Funny.

Anyways- Seeing my grandpa tomorrow! Little scared as I get really easily freaked by hospitals and wires and oxygen... so yeah. Hmm.

Apart from that- oh my gosh! I need like ice cubes, a fan... pfft. England, (this room) is far too hot.

Anyways!

Tomorrows post might be a little more exciting :P

-Friend of Jesus

Eli xo [:

Heyys,

So back from Berwick... was good. Now off down south.

If you reading this (sorry I don't have long to blog =P) please pray for my family. My grandad is pretty ill, and I'm heading down for a week with my mum to be a support.

Catch yasss.

:D xo

My Trip To Glasgow...

Yeoo!

Im in Glasgow.

Woop, its all fun here, although Im typing this on a Dell. How Dull. Haha.

Anyways, pretty tiresome day, but good. Got a bus at half 12 from the village, which would then arrive at the bus station leaving me ten minutes of waiting for my next bus to take me to Glasvegas.

My bus from the village was 10 minutes late.

Yeah, so, I just felt God saying "Be still and know that I am God" I guess at the time, it still made me go "AAAARGHHH", but I managed to catch the bus. It left the station as I got on though. :P Man, I love God's need for us to trust- although, it can be so so hard sometimes!

Anyways, on the bus I read through half of Nehemiah. And gosh, I love that book! I remember the first time I read it and was so enthused because it was a book I understood when I was little. This time it spoke huge lengths of truth to me.

Nehemiah was concerned about God's concerns. (I love that quote from George Muller- "If it is your will God; I will.) He constantly listened to God, constantly trusted God's plan. And, Nehemiah wasn't scared, but knew that with God on their side, they had already won the war. The wall he rebuilt was God's wall- (just like our mission field, we need to rebuild) Nehemiah got people together from every walk of life, and used them as brick layers, as watchmen. Daughters were used to rebuild the wall even. There was such a desire from Nehemiah to let God reign again. It should be our passion to allow God to reign in our cities, in our country and in our world. We need to be the bricklayers- the sower of seeds.

Aye, so after that... met Row, got yet another bus. Managed to change into tomorrow's outfit- to see what Cara's amazing shoes looked like with it all. (photos soon!) And also eat some dinner. Woo! Now sitting here, on the computer... catching up on bebo. woop! lol :P

Anyways, tomorrow, we hit Berwick, and Ali's 18th Ceilidh. Doubt there will be a post from me tomorrow. However, you never know! :P

Will be back and alive again on Sunday/Monday night. Catch yas all then!

-Friend of Jesus,

Eli [: xo

Turdsday and all that [:

Heyy,

So I guess its been a pretty good day! I'm just not feeling too great at the moment.

I was meant to get up early to meet Lisa here, but unfortunately I slept after my alarm had went off and woke up to have half an hour to get ready. Great :P Whizzed in and out of the shower- Mhairi whizzed in and out of the shower. It was an awful lot of whizzing!

Day was awesome really- we recorded an episode of Doctor Who. Don't think any of us actually thought it was our best production piece :P, but ach... costumes were great fun! Our Daleks.. wow, they were so cool! 

See the link to the left!

Then, as the night went on... folks left- Cara arrived! Stole a few of her shoes. Got the news about my Grandpa being taken back into hospital again. It's something we're all kind of getting used to now, but still a horrible experience. Even for us who live hundreds of miles apart. Our love and respect for him doesn't change a thing.

So the doctors say that this is just a regress... and that things will grow worse. God's worked so many miracles into the lives of my grandparents- and I don't doubt there will be many to continue on even in the last days.

If one thing has changed my outlook on so many things this year, it's the shortness of time. Man, we cling onto the need to grow one year older- to feel a little bit more "mature". The one thing we dearly want, is what some just can't hold on to- life.

And yet, with the passing of my great aunt, my gran... both were so dedicated to God. So passionate about what they believed in, trusted in and lived for. My mum said to me about my gran, "In some ways, she had nothing to live for, and everything to die for". Only some of our closest friends will know that my Gran died very suddenly, but she left her Bible open on the very memorable verse about "this day you shall be in Heaven."

When I get faced with any kind of illness or death, Job's story just seems to hit me every time. "God gives, and he takes away. May the name of the Lord be praised forever."

Truth is- sometimes we don't understand why people are taken from us- but God does. And truth is, if God weren't in charge, what would the world really be like?

So even in the confusion of what is happening at the moment, I can't help but be reminded of the beautiful promise God gives constantly to control all things, and keep his hand outstretched even in the worst of situations.

Thing that's so hard for people to understand is the fact that some people are just ready to go. Why's that so hard to understand? I think it's probably because we simply are not. And it's hard for us to get our head around death, because for the folks that know its time to go, death is starting to be truly understood. Biggest thing of all though, is that all those I've lost or who I'm about to lose know/knew in their hearts, souls and minds, that Jesus has already conquered death, and that "A thousand days in your Courts Oh Lord, are better than a thousand elsewhere. I would rather be a doorkeeper in the house of My Lord than dwell in the tents of the wicked." 

See, I guess I feel in every way that tears are the only way through... but second-looking, I think rejoicing is more appropriate.

Its harsh and horrible to hear about pain and ill health, but "there will be no more tears or crying" in glory. And as every day, every second and every moment grows that bit closer, it's so incredible to know that eternity stands at the doorway of those who have knocked.

And for those watching... "Weeping will be in the evening, but rejoicing will come in the morning!" Death is only the true doorway to freedom. That's what I really need to work on.

-Friend of Jesus,

Eli [: xo

Eveeening! (It's kind of morning- but who cares! =P)

So today was BUSY! Whilst not really being that busy. It was kind of a repeat of yesterday. More chillaxing though! And, a haircut. Ha. It was pretty fun. Oh, and I had macaroni Cheese- that doesn't happen often for me (and hey, I'm easily amused as you can tell :P).

Now sitting here with Mars, (who by the way is wearing these luscious cow patterned pj bottom's, which seriously, contrast nicely with her beautiful Timberland red hoody- ned!) and we're about to either head off to bed, or amuse one another till Mars feels sleepy. We spent all of the evening planning for my 17th, which by the way will be absolutely revolutionary- invite only! =P

We giggled lots. Googled lots. And now feel our task is almost done. We have loads more stuff to fit together and all that jazz- but wow, is it gonna be an exciting day! [:

Tomorrow, we're doing our annual sort of meet up of crazy people to create something we like to call a "movie". It should be banter! Still no idea what the movie shall be, however, if you have seen our previous works of Lord of the Rings, MacBeth and 24 News... You'd know that our tactics and our acting skills are almost hysterically moving. =P

So keep your eyes peeled for my youtube page! - I'll give you the link tomorrow! [:

Quote for today:

"Be happy, young man while you are young. and let your heart guide you in joy in the days of your youth. . .

So then banish anxiety from your heart and cast off the troubles of your body. . .

Remember your Creator in the days of your youth, before the days of trouble come."

Ecclesiastes 11-12

-Friend of Jesus,

Eli [: xo