Understanding a little further...

Heyyyy!

Wow. So I feel a little bit better this evening.

Woke up at 12:30! Haha... But man, I so needed that sleep! Still do to be honest! =P Even so, had a nice wee morning just relaxing. Missed church- but apparently it wasn't that good anyways!

So, I guess I should probably explain a wee bit about church for you guys. Well, at the current moment, my family and I don't have one. I guess there's a couple of reasons for that. Firstly, we're all a mixed bunch. My mum came from a strict baptist family and my Dad was a Free church dude. Through the last couple of years I've been to baptist churches, free churches, evangelical churches, Church of Scotland's, Pentecostals and the list probably goes on. It's kind of hard to keep up with them all. I have no complaints about going to so many different churches, actually its one thing I really appreciate about my experience with it all. Going to so many churches allows me to actually understand different traditions and understand what is the normal structure to a service.

However. Not having a church for the last year has been really hard for my family. Plainly because as a family we feel we need a church (another family) to support us, to keep us regenerated in God's word. Truth is, we're a very, very close knit family (Praise God! =P I wouldn't trade them for the world. They've been an inspiration, a help and a blessing. I think we've been a blessing to each other.) and not having church as part of our life is so difficult. Through the last months, we've persevered in having God as the head of the house. With having quiet times, even moments of song! There is a deep sense of wanting to follow God in our home. We just hope though that church will become an aspect in our lives again. I really miss it.

Tonight I was at the Nazarene church (Oh yes, that's another church that we go to!) at one of its specials. I went feeling pretty down about faith and life. Having had a stressful 5 weeks, with camp, trips and obviously our very unexpected trip to England, my head has been completely zapped. I have felt so tired and also very confused about next steps.

Its true to say, that I really shouldn't be confused about my next steps. And to be honest, I'm not really. I think I'm more afraid of them.

Working at Lendrick Muir shall be an interesting year. I was thinking this morning- "God, for the last month/year, I've been so deeply praying for mission. I have felt the deep burden of Scotland on my heart and felt Keswick was just another calling to go and do something for You. So you bring me to the door- I'm waiting so anxiously for the great work to be opened. And yet, you bring me here. To a year of cleaning and cooking. How can that possibly glorify You?"

And to be truthful, I've been thinking that for the last month since the job was offered. Seriously, how can cleaning toilets take me anywhere? But tonight really opened my eyes up to where God is going to take me.

Luke chapter 5:1-11 talks of how Jesus approaches Peter and asks him to be a "fisher of men". It talks about how Peter goes out onto the river and instantly, the fish are brought in- all because Jesus promises that they would. When Peter put down the nets, he instantly followed. He knew that Jesus was not only powerful, but also to be trusted.

I do feel such a calling on my heart. I can't explain the deep burden that I have on me to witness to people (especially in my country) about the Lord. I feel like Peter in so many ways, I'm actually so wanting to drop my nets and just go- to be a fisher of men.

The one thing that was brought out this evening was this verse in Luke 5 -

"But at your word I will let the nets down"

See, the thing is, Peter trusted that Jesus' word alone would be enough. And the one thing that I know I need to understand is that Jesus has opened up the door of LM for a reason. And its for that reason that I shall go through it.

And you know what, I think cleaning toilets, and chopping tatties may take me somewhere else in later life that will far surpass my own expectations. I'm so glad that God holds the reins over my life rather than I. I mean, I'm terrified about this year. But I know that what it holds will be a blessing. I'm looking forward to a fresh start and a bigger commitment to God.

I've been on an all time low with God for the last week. I think it's more to do with the fact that death is creeping up on someone I love. Not only that, but I've also been feeling so drained. Being back in church has given me some serious passion.

We sang this well known hymn, written my Townend:

"In Christ alone"

This verse just really hits home right now.

'No guilt in life, no fear in death -
This is the Pow'r of Christ in me;
From life's first cry to final breath,
Jesus commands my destiny.
No pow'r of hell, no scheme of man,
Can ever pluck me from His hand;
Here in the pow'r of Christ I stand.'

I realise that I finally have to step back, not only breathe a little, but grow to understand that this deep calling- if it is God's calling will take place in His timing. And hey- My grandad will be standing in the pow'r of Christ not just today, but tomorrow- and forever.

It's so encouraging to know that there are a congregation of people, far beyond our comprehension joining with us to stand in His power.

I thought of this other thing this morning - (yeah, my brain is working today! :P) I was just thinking of the word 'reign'. And thinking of what it truly means.

See I think there are so many ways to make 'reign' mean something within us. I think we have to understand that God must reign in all his authority in our lives- we have to understand that he has to take the reins for us to go anywhere! And we also have to allow him to reign in our lives something of his goodness. If we don't accept his blessings, then we won't be blessed. And nor will our work for His Kingdom.

I know I'm finding it difficult to get my head round the fact that this year I'll only be doing small things in contributing to the organisation Scripture Union, but I'm blessed to be working for a Christian organisation full-stop. I'm so happy that I can be doing something for God. I don't have any trouble in trusting that he will bring me to better things soon though.

I just pray that I'll learn to trust that He has a plan in what I do. And that when the door seems just too hard to see, that he'll open up some windows.

I'm on fire for God- "He's a consuming fire!" It's time to get stuck back into God's word, I need sleep and revitalising! Haha.

Catch ya's all soon!
:D

-Friend of Jesus,

Eli xo [: