20//

Went to Destiny Edinburgh this morning and it was such a blessing! I was in total need of a good service and it was exactly what I needed. The sermon was so apt too for everything I'm going through in terms of finding a church and being founded in Christ.

It was based on Psalm 92 and was all about trees flourishing and how similarly our faiths planted in Christ will flourish. There was lots to it - some really good stuff, but one of the points she mentioned was that one type of tree (can't remember name) that exists has roots that dig deep, but also intertwine with the roots coming from other trees surrounding it. Because it holds on to others for strength, it prospers and flourishes. She made links to it being like us rooted in a good community. That when we set our roots deep, we connect with others and become strengthened by them, whilst also offering support to them.

Its a really beautiful message and one that I'm definitely gonna find the podcast for and pass on!

I guess it makes one thing clear - that finding a church is absolutely a priority and I need to find one at home and here as soon as I can. I realise that not having a community has really not helped my faith, and I realise that God created each of us with the purpose of being rooted in a community of believers. Because when the storms come its never good to be planted on your own in the wild, when we were made to be protected and strengthened by a community rooted around us.

Such a good Sunday. Thank you God for your blessings! You are so good!

19 May//

Yesterday I spent most of the day in floods of tears, on the phone to my Mum trying to understand what on earth God was doing. For those that know me well, I never cry. I'm one of those people that doesn't like others to know I'm weak, and tend to be the one that keeps a strong face for everybody else.

Yesterday I went to go and pick up one of my essay papers I had had to write about a month ago for my honours degree. Over the last three years I've struggled so badly with essay writing, alongside a whole ton of friends on my course who find exactly the same things difficult. I've never got above a C, and in the last year have only ever got D's. Even after meetings with lecturers, they've never really tried to help much in terms of my writing. 

This particular essay I had spent a long time over and had really worked hard for. So yesterday when I went to pick it up and saw the familiar D- sitting on the feedback page, and the comments that were all over the paper saying that it was 'disappointing' and 'first year work', I completely broke. I spent most of the walk back to the flat crying and asking God 'Why? Why am I never good enough?'. When I got back home, I sat and cried out to God saying that I was tired of never achieving what I needed to achieve. And when I finally phoned my Mum, we sat on the phone for 2 hours. 

It was pretty obvious during our conversation that the issue wasn't actually the grade, it was the feeling of never being good enough in anything. For a quite a long time, I've known that throughout my extended family a lack of self esteem has riddled us. And I'm no different, in that my outlook on life is that I'm not good enough to gain what I want to, and therefore is there any point trying?

Yesterday, we discussed the option of leaving this year having achieved a bachelors and not achieve the honours. This year I have to write a 10,000 word dissertation, to me, it sounds like the greatest nightmare anyone could ever have. Even though I have a subject planned that I'm interested in, I'm absolutely terrified that I will waste a year of study that will cost me in time and in finance and come out with an embarrassing degree.

I realise my God is good, faithful and that He knows me and my academic (or not so academic as it seems!) mind well. I also realise He knows what I need in my life right now and what way I should be going. I'm sitting tight waiting to hear Him speak on which way I should turn.

I do know this though, that even though self esteem problems have riddled my family over generations, that they are still sin. And the way I look down on myself is an insult to the way God has created me. I do know God has blessed me and given me gifts that I'm humbled to have and I'm so thankful for them. I don't want to let that sin riddle my life and affect my relationship with my Saviour.

I realise the more I look down on the things I can achieve, the more I hinder my God from working in and through me and using the gifts that He has blessed me with. 

I follow a Saviour who is beyond my understanding, and I want to freely allow Him to move in and through me, even in my weaknesses, to achieve the things He wants to achieve through me! Not what I tell myself I have to gain, but rather what He would want in me. Because, what could me more important than His glory?

18 May//

"See I have engraved you on the palms of my hand." Isaiah 49




It's such a well known verse isn't it? One we've heard so many times and that carries the message that we are so familiar with - we follow a God who loves us and cares for us. I don't know how many times you've heard that message, I would imagine for me it would stand in the region of thousands.Yet, even after hearing it so many times, I so often need to hear it again. 


In Isaiah 49, we see a beautiful prophesy of the Messiah who will come. A snapshot of Christ before He even came to bring salvation. The salvation story can often become lost in our hearts because we become so familiar to it. I know for so long it has become like that in my own life and I've not tasted the reality of the Gospel over the last weeks.


Without this Gospel story though there is nothing. Without Jesus, there is nothing. Christ brings hope, brings blessing, brings salvation and brings grace. What is so exciting about Isaiah 49 is that before Christ even came, the salvation and Messiah that were promised, were already being made personal. 


Today, as I start a new day, I want to be refreshed in a new and real understanding of the Gospel. I don't want it to be a familiarity but rather for it to be constantly unfathomable and utterly breathtaking. What is so incredible is that Jesus took concern in me and engraved my name on his palms. He gave himself up to allow me to have that relationship with God. More than that, He believes I am precious! He knows my name and knows my heart better than I do myself. 


I'm encouraged today that God gives grace anew every day and that He loves me. Unreservedly, unconditionally, He loves me. 

"Have you ever come on anything quite like this extravagant generosity of God, this deep, deep wisdom? It's way over our heads. We'll never figure it out. Is there anyone around who can explain God? Anyone smart enough to tell him what to do? Anyone who has done him such a huge favor that God has to ask his advice? Everything comes from him; Everything happens through him; Everything ends up in him. Always glory! Always praise! Yes. Yes. Yes."

I picked up this blog again yesterday, after a whole two years has passed. Little scary to think how quickly time can pass and how much we forget the things that have happened to us. I realise that a lot of my previous blogs were really grounded in stuff that I was experiencing as a teen, among other things my posts are mainly about evangelism and my real sense of a calling from God. It's funny that I came across these blogs again, because over the last two months, I've been so distant from God.

 I'm now finished third year at Napier University, Edinburgh, which means I'm now a Bachelors Photography Student and have one more year left to gain an honours. I've been incredibly blessed by God. There aren't any other ways to describe the last three years, my God has blessed me. In first year I was given the opportunity to serve on the evangelism team in the Napier Christian Union, by second year I was voted forward for the committee as Prayer Secretary and Small Groups Co-ordinator and in this past year I've served on committee again as Vice President. I've been so humbled to serve in these roles, strengthened by the fact that every year I wasn't actually expecting them. God has given me the opportunity to lead a group of young Christians into getting excited about the Gospel and the impact that it might have on their university of thousands. What excites me most is that the little things I've been able to move the CU towards will cause effects for the years ahead of me. There's no doubt that being on committee is difficult. In fact, I'd say it's been one of the hardest things I've ever done. But God stayed faithful the whole way through, and I found myself realising that actually instead of believing that everyone around me was wrong all the time, that it often was and is my heart that is in the wrong. I guess the last three years, I've seen God mould me, mature me and open my eyes to see that I am a sinner and that I need His grace, there is no other way.

 Coming off committee was easier than I expected, but it leaves you wondering what is next. For me, I've been struggling with not having a church over the last few months and its had a big impact on my faith. Not having that community in a city that still doesn't feel like home has been really difficult. When I logged onto blogspot yesterday, I was expecting to just have a little laugh about how much I could write, and about how I used to write about the most random and silly things. But I began to read from blog one all the way up to the most recent and realised that the heart that I had for God and for his Gospel was real, living and on fire. I was in so many ways, far more black and white and far younger in my thoughts, but I was real with myself, with people reading and with God.

 I've decided that it's time to change. I want to get stuck into God's word properly, not just reading tit-bits and thinking that my daily routine is done. I want to search and yearn for God's wisdom to influence my own heart and mind. I want to praise Him through the day and give Him the honour that he so deserves. And I want to get excited for evangelism, being probed by a heart welling up with a love for God and over pouring into a desire to bring people to his throne room.

 I want to start blogging again, to start looking at pieces of God's word that are influencing my life. So I guess you'll hear far more from me on here. I'm excited to write again, but more excited to push forward into a new stage of my faith.

 It's time to be real with God.

Life Now

Wow, it's nearly August! My last post was when I was two weeks into uni, I'm now going into second year! Scary how quickly life changes and moves! But very exciting, because I know how much more God has ahead for me!

I guess this blog entry will be a fill in of what has happened with me and my life this year. More than that, what has happened with my family's life in particular. God has done some crazy things.

I wish we could always say that life is easy, reality check- its not! And maybe what I've learnt most of all this year, is to thank God for that! I realise that its the moments where we're rocking around in the boat on the storm that God challenges us and changes us most.

Life has changed a lot. For 2010 I had expected God to bring a lot of changes in the shape of uni and in my friendships, church life and general evangelism. However, I often forget how my expectations are so small in comparison to that of Christ's, and how His plan is bigger and nearly always, unexpected.

At the beginning of June my Mum was diagnosed with breast cancer. I can remember her having got the letter being recalled for further tests, and me, maybe naively, saying "Don't worry Mum, it'll just be a slip up in the tests". Later that week, she came through the door with my Dad, having gained results that showed positive cancer cells. I ask myself now, just two months ago, what exactly did we do when we heard that news? I can remember sitting on our sofa together, in complete silence not knowing exactly what to say. In a world where cancer is one of the most talked about illnesses, never in a million years did I or my family expect it to affect us. The sheer shock and the lack of knowledge about what the next few months would entail was what went through my mind.

An operation to remove the lump they had found was done that next week, and then further tests were done to find out what the next lot of treatment would be. As the two treatments began to be talked over, of radiotherapy or chemotherapy, I think that was the realisation for me that this really was real, this was happening. At every corner of the road, there was always the opportunity for things to go wrong. I remember my Mum writing a note to her work, where she wrote the words "I don't think I had any idea what it was like to know that death might be just around the corner. Cancer stops and makes you think what this life is really about."

Mum's now entering her fourth (and last) week of radiotherapy. She travels into Dundee every day for ten minutes treatment and the side affects of it are severe tiredness and often sickness. I'm writing this down just now, not as an excuse for some sympathy (if I have to be honest, talking about this to people has been one of the hardest things I have ever had to do) but as a testament of the goodness of our Saviour.

Earlier in the summer I went down to Passion London with a few friends, and vividly I can remember one of the speakers telling a story of one of his best friends having had to watch his daughter be taken into hospital with severe brain damage. The speaker texted his best friend saying "Mate, I only just heard the news! Are you okay?! Praying for you!" The reply he get back was something that touched his heart. The best friend replied "Totally unshaken".

They are the words I want to use in this situation. Our God is good. Not some of the time, not just through the good, not just on a Sunday, but our God is good always. If I can testify to anything today, that is of the great peace and love that our God has given to us whilst we've tried to work through understanding and grasping Mum's cancer. We're unshaken because we follow a God who is unshakable. He is the steadfast rock, and nothing is out of his control or out of his great power.

I guess we could question why He takes us through some of the hardest situations, he chooses to place certain burdens on our hearts, and not on others. But I truly believe that God knows us better than we know ourselves, and that His plan for our lives is better than our own. What God chooses to give us as experiences, he gives us the right portion of strength and grace to experience them with. And we all stand firm in the faith that God is an everlasting friend, that He never walks away or sees us as unworthy. In his sight we are His own lambs, His own children, and by His grace, we are set free.

This cancer is changing our lives - I could lie, and say everything is perfect, it's not. Walking with God through the hard times is harder than ever. I used to believe that was the easiest time to follow God, when everything got hard, but maybe I had never had a true understanding of the word 'hard'. What I can say though is, when life and situations get hard, and when following Christ gets harder, those are the moments Christ works hardest in us.

I'm praising him today that He has this sorted. That this isn't about me, about my family, or about any self-adornment. This is about Him. And, He will be honoured through this. In honest faith, I'm praying God will take the weakness of who we are, and use us as a family to shine brighter for His kingdom, and for his cause. He is worthy.

My testament today is of His great power, that God works all things out for his glory, and that along the way, he is always steadfast.

Eilidh xxx

Uni :)

2 weeks into Uni...

God is good :)

I really love Edinburgh- thank goodness! Uni is a bit slow to start right now, but hopefully we'll be getting really busy soon!

Searching for a Church, which is actually a really encouraging process - there are some really decent churches around the city! Its good to see so many people involved in churches.

So not much news from me - other than I'm getting settled in nicely :) I could totally sense God's hand over my life over the last couple of weeks... keeps reminding me that wherever we go, God stays with us. And whatever His plan for us, He never leaves our side.

What a faithful God... :)

3 months later, and here I am.

Hey everyone!

I haven't been keeping up with this blog at all - life always seems so busy. But, now seemed like a good time to give a quick catch up on what I'm up to and what God's doing in my life!

First off, thanks so much for those of you who have committed to pray for me during my year at Lendrick Muir. For those who have kept on encouraging me and challenging me to be positive. People have no idea how much prayer is appreciated!

Well, it is the 28th of August. I officially did my last shift on the 22nd of August, which was the Big Celebration! My last three months at LM were definitely a lot quieter than previous months. During the summer period, the biggest job that gets done is cleaning the toilets - what fun! So every day that I went in, there was always the toilets to look forward to! It gets a little bit tiring and boring after having done them for about 8 weeks straight. However, I know that was very much part of the job!

It's weird looking back and acknowledging I had been at Lendrick Muir for a year and a half - and what a time it has been! From good times to bad, from the times I've felt I can't cope, to the moments I've been in stitches with laughter. On my last morning I felt God was very much saying to me one thing, and that was "God has been very good." We underestimate God. When I arrived at LM I had no idea what God had got planned, during my time there, I still couldn't get my head around why God wanted me cleaning loos and scrubbing pots and pans. However, I look back now, remembering some of the most minging jobs that I did - some of the people that I struggled to work with, the long hours and the tiredness that came along with that, and I know God is still telling me how good He has been.

One of the ladies I worked with said something which will probably stay with me for life, "It's doing the most menial jobs that makes the difference - Jesus washed feet, and I'm happy to clean toilets." God has taught me humility this year, more than anything. Humility, love, joy, peace. The thing is, if we don't experience what it is to serve Him and give our all, we sometimes miss out on these fruits of the spirit. When we truly surrender our all to him, he can freely mould us into the children He really seeks us to be.

Work isn't easy. I can really say that - I had never expected God to bring me out of school a year early and start full time work, but what a blessing it has been! To get into the feel of working long hours, of working with so many different people and of doing jobs that aren't always very fun. It's an experience that I've totally needed.

The Big Celebration went really well. I've been so thankful to God for the summer staff who have come along this year - it was so good to have new faces around! :) The evening ceilidh was great! And it really felt that God had very much brought my year to an end there and then. It really struck me that night though how much I loved the people I worked with. I guess sometimes you get so caught up in the work that has to be done, that you forget the people your doing those jobs with. Lendrick Muir has an amazing mix of people - from all over the world (no kidding!) to people who are at completely different points in their lives and faiths, through the struggles we had, especially within the Hospitality team, it was so easy to be at each others throats. But, I looked round at the ceilidh at all the people I had been able to share my year with, or even a few months with, and it was so clear to me that yes, God had been very good. I love each of the people who I've been able to serve Christ with. Whether we had had our moments, or maybe not worked with each other quite as much as others, each person at LM really has been a part of my experience working for SU. God really filled up my heart with love for them. :) I'm going to miss them all so much.

So looking back, the work experience, the faith building - both of these things were so important, but I think most of all, understanding love. When working in such a close atmosphere, love can be the hardest thing to have, yet its the most essential. I've learnt to love people, despite their backgrounds, their problems, their attitudes. "love them like Jesus" has been my challenge this year!

So... that's that. LM experience of 08-09... God IS Good. He gives us what we need at the time we really need it! We might not see it at the time, but He abundantly provides! I praise Him so much for what He's done in my life this year. What a God!

What's next? I'm off to uni! Having got an unconditional for Edinburgh Napier, I felt God calling me to accept. That was a big shock for me, I had always planned on going to RGU Aberdeen... since I was 12 I had wanted to study up North. When I got an unconditional for both Aberdeen and Edinburgh, God totally got me praying hard for what to do next. Edinburgh it was though! Having applied for Student Accommodation - (and seeing the price of it all... jeeps!) it was a month later that one of the ladies I had worked with during my time at LM, Sue Rose, offered me accommodation at her home. I still can't get my head around how much of a real provision this is... ! It's really exciting, because its just more confirmation that Edinburgh is truly where God wants me.

Never forget, God will work things out for our good - (Jeremiah 29:11) He has a plan for our lives and will work it out so that we will be abundantly blessed!

So, I move on Monday. 3 days time. It's pretty scary stuff- but I'm so excited! Somebody said to be a couple of weeks back "You just seem very calm about the whole thing Eilidh." I guess its true! God has completely filled me with His peace right now. I know this is a time of change, a time where I'll be living life completely differently to how I'm used to it! However, God is good! I know He has had his hand on the situation of moving from the start. From just even providing me a place at Napier, to even giving me a wage over the last year which allows me to pay for a number of things. He knows where I'm going next, and he knows what I need next. I'll trust in His unfailing love and power. (:

I really want to keep in touch with everyone, so if you have my number, text me and keep chatting to me! And if you don't have my number, but know me... email me! I can be really bad at keeping in touch with people, but I know how important it is. :) So get in contact! :D

Lastly...

A BIG thank you for anyone who has remembered me in prayer. I would appreciate it again! (Being the annoying person I am! :P) If you could continue to pray for me as I move on Monday and as I start uni a week later. Pray God would provide good friends, and a job hopefully too. Pray He would continue to work out his plan for my life, and that He would still use me to further His kingdom. Pray He would bring me to the right church and that I can encourage others to come along too :)

So ... I guess thats it! I write way too much, but it has been a long time!

Its at the point where everything is changing that you realise how much God has actually done in your life. I guess I'd challenge you just now to just take a few moments to recap on the last few years of your life and to unravel some of the many things God has worked out in your life!

We forget easily how much he has done, in fact, sometimes we don't even realise when he has worked in our lives! So keep your eyes open for his blessings - their are so many!! :D

I hope God is working out his plan and his love in your lives right now, and that your open to His moulding hands.

Keep your heart and mind focused on Jesus.

In His Unfailing Love,

Eli xoxo