Life Now

Wow, it's nearly August! My last post was when I was two weeks into uni, I'm now going into second year! Scary how quickly life changes and moves! But very exciting, because I know how much more God has ahead for me!

I guess this blog entry will be a fill in of what has happened with me and my life this year. More than that, what has happened with my family's life in particular. God has done some crazy things.

I wish we could always say that life is easy, reality check- its not! And maybe what I've learnt most of all this year, is to thank God for that! I realise that its the moments where we're rocking around in the boat on the storm that God challenges us and changes us most.

Life has changed a lot. For 2010 I had expected God to bring a lot of changes in the shape of uni and in my friendships, church life and general evangelism. However, I often forget how my expectations are so small in comparison to that of Christ's, and how His plan is bigger and nearly always, unexpected.

At the beginning of June my Mum was diagnosed with breast cancer. I can remember her having got the letter being recalled for further tests, and me, maybe naively, saying "Don't worry Mum, it'll just be a slip up in the tests". Later that week, she came through the door with my Dad, having gained results that showed positive cancer cells. I ask myself now, just two months ago, what exactly did we do when we heard that news? I can remember sitting on our sofa together, in complete silence not knowing exactly what to say. In a world where cancer is one of the most talked about illnesses, never in a million years did I or my family expect it to affect us. The sheer shock and the lack of knowledge about what the next few months would entail was what went through my mind.

An operation to remove the lump they had found was done that next week, and then further tests were done to find out what the next lot of treatment would be. As the two treatments began to be talked over, of radiotherapy or chemotherapy, I think that was the realisation for me that this really was real, this was happening. At every corner of the road, there was always the opportunity for things to go wrong. I remember my Mum writing a note to her work, where she wrote the words "I don't think I had any idea what it was like to know that death might be just around the corner. Cancer stops and makes you think what this life is really about."

Mum's now entering her fourth (and last) week of radiotherapy. She travels into Dundee every day for ten minutes treatment and the side affects of it are severe tiredness and often sickness. I'm writing this down just now, not as an excuse for some sympathy (if I have to be honest, talking about this to people has been one of the hardest things I have ever had to do) but as a testament of the goodness of our Saviour.

Earlier in the summer I went down to Passion London with a few friends, and vividly I can remember one of the speakers telling a story of one of his best friends having had to watch his daughter be taken into hospital with severe brain damage. The speaker texted his best friend saying "Mate, I only just heard the news! Are you okay?! Praying for you!" The reply he get back was something that touched his heart. The best friend replied "Totally unshaken".

They are the words I want to use in this situation. Our God is good. Not some of the time, not just through the good, not just on a Sunday, but our God is good always. If I can testify to anything today, that is of the great peace and love that our God has given to us whilst we've tried to work through understanding and grasping Mum's cancer. We're unshaken because we follow a God who is unshakable. He is the steadfast rock, and nothing is out of his control or out of his great power.

I guess we could question why He takes us through some of the hardest situations, he chooses to place certain burdens on our hearts, and not on others. But I truly believe that God knows us better than we know ourselves, and that His plan for our lives is better than our own. What God chooses to give us as experiences, he gives us the right portion of strength and grace to experience them with. And we all stand firm in the faith that God is an everlasting friend, that He never walks away or sees us as unworthy. In his sight we are His own lambs, His own children, and by His grace, we are set free.

This cancer is changing our lives - I could lie, and say everything is perfect, it's not. Walking with God through the hard times is harder than ever. I used to believe that was the easiest time to follow God, when everything got hard, but maybe I had never had a true understanding of the word 'hard'. What I can say though is, when life and situations get hard, and when following Christ gets harder, those are the moments Christ works hardest in us.

I'm praising him today that He has this sorted. That this isn't about me, about my family, or about any self-adornment. This is about Him. And, He will be honoured through this. In honest faith, I'm praying God will take the weakness of who we are, and use us as a family to shine brighter for His kingdom, and for his cause. He is worthy.

My testament today is of His great power, that God works all things out for his glory, and that along the way, he is always steadfast.

Eilidh xxx