"Have you ever come on anything quite like this extravagant generosity of God, this deep, deep wisdom? It's way over our heads. We'll never figure it out. Is there anyone around who can explain God? Anyone smart enough to tell him what to do? Anyone who has done him such a huge favor that God has to ask his advice? Everything comes from him; Everything happens through him; Everything ends up in him. Always glory! Always praise! Yes. Yes. Yes."

I picked up this blog again yesterday, after a whole two years has passed. Little scary to think how quickly time can pass and how much we forget the things that have happened to us. I realise that a lot of my previous blogs were really grounded in stuff that I was experiencing as a teen, among other things my posts are mainly about evangelism and my real sense of a calling from God. It's funny that I came across these blogs again, because over the last two months, I've been so distant from God.

 I'm now finished third year at Napier University, Edinburgh, which means I'm now a Bachelors Photography Student and have one more year left to gain an honours. I've been incredibly blessed by God. There aren't any other ways to describe the last three years, my God has blessed me. In first year I was given the opportunity to serve on the evangelism team in the Napier Christian Union, by second year I was voted forward for the committee as Prayer Secretary and Small Groups Co-ordinator and in this past year I've served on committee again as Vice President. I've been so humbled to serve in these roles, strengthened by the fact that every year I wasn't actually expecting them. God has given me the opportunity to lead a group of young Christians into getting excited about the Gospel and the impact that it might have on their university of thousands. What excites me most is that the little things I've been able to move the CU towards will cause effects for the years ahead of me. There's no doubt that being on committee is difficult. In fact, I'd say it's been one of the hardest things I've ever done. But God stayed faithful the whole way through, and I found myself realising that actually instead of believing that everyone around me was wrong all the time, that it often was and is my heart that is in the wrong. I guess the last three years, I've seen God mould me, mature me and open my eyes to see that I am a sinner and that I need His grace, there is no other way.

 Coming off committee was easier than I expected, but it leaves you wondering what is next. For me, I've been struggling with not having a church over the last few months and its had a big impact on my faith. Not having that community in a city that still doesn't feel like home has been really difficult. When I logged onto blogspot yesterday, I was expecting to just have a little laugh about how much I could write, and about how I used to write about the most random and silly things. But I began to read from blog one all the way up to the most recent and realised that the heart that I had for God and for his Gospel was real, living and on fire. I was in so many ways, far more black and white and far younger in my thoughts, but I was real with myself, with people reading and with God.

 I've decided that it's time to change. I want to get stuck into God's word properly, not just reading tit-bits and thinking that my daily routine is done. I want to search and yearn for God's wisdom to influence my own heart and mind. I want to praise Him through the day and give Him the honour that he so deserves. And I want to get excited for evangelism, being probed by a heart welling up with a love for God and over pouring into a desire to bring people to his throne room.

 I want to start blogging again, to start looking at pieces of God's word that are influencing my life. So I guess you'll hear far more from me on here. I'm excited to write again, but more excited to push forward into a new stage of my faith.

 It's time to be real with God.