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Reeeeet Guys,

Wow, remembered about this whole bloggin' thing! High five to me! :P

So, a lot to share. As always.

I'm a year older. It feels slightly strange. I feel like I've matured too much in the last 2 months, that this is the crunch point of actually continuing to mature! Haha, not too sure if I like it. 

Even so. A wee catch up in the world of Eli!

So yesterday was the birthday bang. Another fancy dress hunt! Most comments about the night were "another banterful day." Haha, another repeat of last year I suppose. People are already questioning what my 18th will be like. Truth is, I have no idea!

Actually, when you think about it. Where will I be in a year's time aye? No idea!

Ever since I've started to work, I've actually realised that I'm starting to enjoy life a lot more. Silly though that might sound. I don't think I was ever someone programmed to be in school; I love the simple fact that I don't dread the next day at work. I feel really comfortable where I am in life.

Even weirder, today I had the strongest feeling of God just telling me, I'm where I should be. But also, He was clearly telling me that I have a lot of really big decisions to make too, and that life ahead is uncertain in my vision. But he was comforting me in telling me that He knew exactly where I was going to go- He is my compass, and will always stick by my side.

So what's keeping me busy except from work? Well, quite a lot! I'm bantering more than I thought  I might! :P But I'm also leading a youth group with Cara and am being given the chance to do the teaching part. Which is reaaaaallly exciting.

I'm also gonna really start to think about starting up a small prayer group- and will try and visit some folks to start praying with them and encouraging them. I feel God is gonna use me so much this year.

So other than that- praying God will provide some money for the new camera that I really want. Lol :P Got a real want to just do photography right now! I love it so much =)

I wanted to encourage you a wee bit with something I've been reading right now and its 1 Kings! I've been enjoying it so much. But something really hit me the other day and it was this:

Solomon asked the Lord "Give me a discerning heart so that I can govern your people and distinguish between wrong and right. For only you can truly govern these people."

It touched my heart so much. For the last week I've been praying my heart out knowing that before I can do any kind of evangelising- or even live out faith, I need to pray and ask for a discerning heart. That doesn't mean that we will still recieve the same blessings that Solomon recieved, but Solomon was blessed by God within also.

I realised that this week, after pleading for God to mould me into someone that was wise, that things really started to happen. It wasn't like I turned uberly wise this week! But I just noticed so many more opportunities. 

It made me realise how important the right heart and mind is to the Lord, it goes far beyond the passion and the enthusiasm that you have for Christ and for the gospel, actually, one of the biggest keys to a Christian is the right heart. That the heart will be as full as it can be of God's wisdom, so that we can be discerning about situations, people and words.

So this week is more courses at work, busy weekend, working! However, It'll be gooooood. =)

Righty, better go!

Turrah, xo

Heyyy. UPDATE!

My goodness me! Haha, I hadn't quite realised just how late I am in writing a new blog post. 19th of Oct?! That seems a century ago!

I have a lot that's happened, and to be totally honest, I can't be completely bothered to type it all out. However. Since bebo, facebook and all other possible sites that I seem to have joined, are being pretty much ignored right now, I thought I'd be loyal to my mates who don't hear from me all the time and keep them updated with my going's on!

Well. Where to start?

I guess you could start with today. 9th of November, Rememberence Sunday. It had actually been a pretty good day. Our cottage has now officially got a little bit warmer! Using our open fireplace, which I'm sitting beside right now, enjoying the heat ;) I love it when it gets cold enough to sit in front of a fire and fall asleep. Not that I get the chance to do anything like that very often. Had Kat, Cara and Mutch around for lunch today, was a really relaxed day actually.

Church + All that jazz. So, Mum and Dad have decided to check out Perth Nazarene church for a wee while. There's this new Pastor who's from the US, (to go hand in hand with the US youth pastor + his wife!) and seems to really have his head  on the right way with theology and faithfulness not only to the word of God, but also in his passion for real faith. So I guess you'll be assuming I'm sounding so positive that it's perfect for me too? Well. I don't know. Some folks who may read this, know how many churches I've been going to for... well, my whole life. And, in the midst of knowing that there is a good church for us, with teaching at the heart of it's structure, I'm still not settled on moving into the church- or any church that I've been to.

I can like parts of what a Church does, but never settle. I find it unexplainably hard to fit in with a group, or fit in with any new people within a church. Don't ask me why. I think it may be something to do with moving so much, and never being truly settled. But even past that, beyond all the uneasyness of movement within churches, and different denominations, I know God has set me apart for a different purpose.

To be quite honest, I could fire some ideas right at you, but I can't put my finger right on what God wants to lead me into regarding worship. See, the thing is, I think I'm only truly starting to understand the meaning of being in church everyday with my Father. 

What many of the Churches across the World, I feel, have missed, is the simple need that each and every one of us have to spend time in God's presence. Within faith, it is a person's desire, their very thirst, to come to God as a unified people and worship together. So many churches have forgotten that beyond structural time, heating temperatures in a church, money in the offering bag, that there stands Christians who come to a Church hoping to be stripped of their own worldly selfs and come to God together in a real, alive way. That kind of experience, is something that can happen on a bus on the way to Edinburgh, or at work, or at the dinner table. Church, the very sharing in the Kingdom of God, is coming to God and worshipping Him. It even goes far beyond songs of praise, or dancing round the pulpit during communion! Worship is coming to the Lord's presence, spending time to delve into His beauty and give him the honour. That means that even the quiet times we take during the evening or mornings can be hugely breathtaking moments, where we can simply read His word and commit back to Him our faithfulness and our praise.

So, why does that all matter? (Why won't Eli shut up?)

Truth is, I don't think any Church has the answer to perfection. I believe we're sitting in the waiting room of life, where Heaven is being eagerly awaited. Church is only a foretaste of much greater things to come. 

However. I didn't just write all that for the crack. Church, the community of people, its something that is really embedded into my heart right now. I know that the physical Church is something slipping away for so many. Even the Christians that are committed to top notch, are falling away from broken Churches that they believe cannot be trusted any longer.

I think, even some of the most passionate and most theologically based Christians can enroll into the ICC, can follow a strict routine of prayer each day and Church every Sunday and still not have experienced the real meaning of Church within.

Sometimes I find that hard to admit too also, the simple fact that I've been to so many churches now- many churches that are extremely structural and simply regard the moral life without a faith basis as being correct, and that I even find it so hard to experience the Church that God wants us to have a taste of every moment of every day.

I know God's is pulling strings in my heart pulling me into this sphere of the Church world. I feel almost detached about it though, because I know that a huge part of me simply fuels on my personal faith, sharing with God everything I am. But I also know that Church has fueled me too. Being a unified people is a strong foretaste of the great Kingdom of God. 

I've had it on my heart to be working with people. I don't know in what sphere of work, or in what period of time. I'm completely unsure as to where God will lead me in the next few years of my life. Whether he'll take me to study, or keep me working for missions organisations and outreaches. But, Church. What a word that is! And what words it must bring in people's minds. Whether its the words "boring" or "charismatic" or even "inspirational", within this culture, there is a distinct lack of God centered teaching going hand in hand with a strong openness to truly allow the Kingdom of God- the Church within us, to make its way into the Church building. Truth is, I think so many of us are scared witless of our faiths, because at the end of the day, sometimes the very Church we believe can strengthen us, is actually hindering us in not being openly passionate about the Gospel or simply about praise.

I'm not saying that every church is like this, nor that its something churches have done on purpose. Like I said, there will never be perfection in a Church's walls, but only in the Kingdom of God to come.

I believe the Lord has a work for me with that word- and with the people who have stereotypes or are even involved, so closely, with Churches. I don't know what yet, I don't know how- But I know my Saviour is leading me.

Bleh. That was a long rant. Haha. So apart from Church- I'm also keeping busy with work. I'm still working for Lendrick Muir- loving bits of it, and drawing close to God in all of it. I know he has me there for a purpose, and I'm following His will. I know its a training period for something to come! (hopefully not to be manager of a metro's loo block!) :P I'd appreciate your prayers for me and for everyone else at LM at this time. Its a big place, with lots of people, and whilst I very much know God is using us for great things, there are so many things to also be worked in.

My birthday is in 2 days! Oh my goooooosh! I'm getting OLD. Haha! Aw man, I just love remebering how much God has worked in me in the last years. From truly being a wretch, and to being so blind to God's love, He changed me completely and worked in me. He still is working on my heart and I know many people have commented on the fact they feel God is using me now, I truly only feel He has been exercising my faith for something else. I could rant on about all the hard points in the last 17 years, but there isn't any point, because I'm here now, only vaguely baby-steps truly into a faith that requires a lifetime of passionate and committed time and heart. I'm excited, and also a little scared for what He has ahead for me. I really know deep down something is to come that will change my world around.

So yeah... This Saturday kicks off all my great adventures with partaaays. Looking forward to it. 

Also, I'm looking into getting the Canon EOS50D, I've been wanting it for an age, and I'm hoping in the next month my dream will come true! =D

Your continual prayers for my family as a whole, those down south and up here in the north, would be more than appreciated right now. - My Grandpa seems to be getting a little worse, and the pain its causing for others is very upsetting. Just please keep Him in your prayers!

I just also want to give a really big thanks to those who have stuck by me this past 2 months, Faye- You have been a massive encouragement! I can't quite believe how God has strung us two together over the last while. I'm so thankful though that he did, you've been ameeezzin. ;)

All the other folk just checking to see how things are going... You have no idea how much friendship has meant to be in the last while, especially when there has been mixed emotions in my heart over everything.

To be honest. I know there are far worse things ahead, but God has been loyal to my heart, and I know that He is guiding me constantly.

"I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do, Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which the God has called me heavenward through Christ Jesus."

He holds the whole world in his hands!

Hey Guys,

Now is probably not the best time for me to be sitting here typing up my new blog entry. I've just got back from work, and am listening to the an album that makes me want to cry nearly every time I listen to it! Fun stuff! =P

Well things are busy here, life is busy, work is busy, my world is just in different places.

In the last month and a bit, I haven't even managed to answer back to a 'How are you?' with the words, 'I'm awesome!' Truth is, since I started getting as uberly busy as I have been with work etc, I've not been the same at all.

So for everyone that has been around me and is wondering why Eli is not the same old 'her', it's just likely she's not slept for long enough! =P

Things are real tough at the moment, and as much as I say I'm drawing closer to God, I can't defy how much pain and tiredness are in my heart right now.

Maybe some of you haven't felt what I'm feeling now, but it's the absolute sense of being too tired to carry on. Every part of what energy I have had seems to have left me, and I'm still pushing myself to move. It all feels like such a strain.

See the things is, I really do sometimes question why an earth God brings me to some things; and truth is, sometimes (most of the time), I really don't understand why an earth He thinks its a good idea. But to understand life and all its hardships- and its blessings, we need to understand the character of God as fully as we can.

You know that wee song we used to all sing when we were wee-ain's? The "He's got the whole world in his hands?... He's got the tiny little baby in His hands, He's got you and me brother in His hands"... how I underestimated that as a kid!

There have been moments over the last few weeks, where I've sat, cried my heart out to God and tried to understand why He wants me in so much despair. The more I take time to sit with the Lord, and spill all the worries on my heart into His beautiful hands, the more I understand the capability of the hands, and the heart of the God who they belong to.

You know, its so weird. When I was small, crying was never really a feeling as much as an acknowledgment of anger. I wasn't really one for crying on my parents shoulders- anger was my key emotion, and when the time came that I didn't have anything to take my anger out on, the tears would fall.

As I got older, things started to change a little, when I came to the Lord, anger was really removed from my heart (sure, I have moments when my anger still boils up inside me, but not often) but that made me as a person even more resilient to lock up my emotions inside.

I can honestly say, not a lot of my friends have come into contact with an 'Emotional Eli', not because I don't want them to know about my secret feelings, but simply because even in the hard points of life, even in the moments I feel like screaming my head off, and causing a scene- I know that God has simply pushed me to come to Him first, and pour out my heart to Him.

And you know, honestly, for a very long time, I haven't done that with my Saviour. Sat for a while, and cried my eyes out- and given all my worries and despairs to Him. I think I just got to a stage in my life where I didn't think tears where needed. But the last month has probed me into taking that time, just to cry with my Father.

And every tear that falls, I know he holds in His hands, "the hands that hold the world", and he understands each one. He has a deep connection with his children when they bring to Him, not just their problems, their hardships and inabilities, their passions and their ambitions, but actually when they come to Him with a bare heart, that reveals not only their life, but their heart felt emotions, that show God's clear and intricate creation. He created life; humanity he created with a unique ability to feel. Whether it be pain, or happiness; He knew that the love He so passionately felt for us, we should also have the chance to feel for Him.

So today, I have had such an empty void filling me, probably caused by so many tears in so little time- however, the Lord has been welcoming me in to His arms each and every moment of the day. He constantly wraps His arms around me, and understands my pain. My Saviour longs for my heart to be revealed to Him, not just through good times, but also through the bad. So that my hurt will allow me to understand just how much my God loves me, wants me to trust Him, and wants me to share a part of the real Eli with Him each and every day.

The song "He holds the whole world in His hands", just possesses so much more truth in it now that I think on those lyrics. You see, despite my own problems, and my own faith, I know that as a world, the God of my Heart, is holding out His hands, knowing that as a sinful people- we are also His. And that beyond tears, beyond pain and beyond any situation, His hands are enfolding each and every one of us. You see, God is King, and He reigns- He craves for us as a nation- as a country and as a world to share with him our hearts, because since the world began, the creator of the world simply wanted us also, to share in His heart too.

All the way the Saviour leads me.

There have been so many points where I've felt like giving up. Where I've felt like dropping everything and running ten thousand miles just to stop, and to think.

For the last week, all I've been wanting is a get-out. A fire exit door that can be used when I feel so entirely overwhelmed with hurt and stress.

But then I know that even with the heat of the fire, I can still survive.

"All the way the Saviour leads me."

I know the touch of his hand against my shoulder, urging me to go ahead, with Him at my side. Against all the storming heat of the fire - with the smoke and debreyy seemingly blocking all pathways before me, I can feel His presence. His inexplainable comfort whilst he tells me "It'll all be okay." And as I push my way through, sometimes even picking up small burns on the way - little etchings of hurt and turmoil - I start to see clearer through the influx of smoke before me. I can see a pathway ahead; I know I've been on this path for a reason. He doesn't leave me.

Even when I can't see a way forward, He continues to walk with me, shoulder to shoulder. I can hear His voice, even with the spluttering of sparkling flames, and the choke of the walls falling down all around me. He stays the same. He remains steadfast, and doesn't let me fall down even with the heat.

He keeps encouraging me forward, baby step at a time. I recognise He knows best. Trust. I really do trust Him. Sometimes I look behind me, even for an instant, and I see a glimpse of the past- the dark, grimy walls so attacked by the smoke; but when I start to turn my face again to the pathway ahead, I see instantly the walls behind completely fall. The past is forgotten. God's peace rests on me.

Sometimes the smoke and fire calms down- and sometimes the light of the dark room I seem to be in, grows. There is hope all around. At other points, I feel claustrophobic by the engulfing flames.

So much hurt. So much pain. All around me, the walls, the light, the flames; they all change. Sometimes there is even a slight twist in the pathway and I don't understand where it is going.

Yet, He constantly leads me. Through all of the darkness and all of the hopelessness, He takes me to the target. He brings me closer. He constantly holds my hand, telling me that it will all be "alright". 

I finally understand looking into His eyes, His faithful, beautiful eyes- the eyes of a Saviour - that as He takes me through even the hard times, the pathway, leading me through life, the steps are bringing me to His heart.

He carries me, closer and closer to His heart.

I know His goodness and Mercy have followed me.

You led me Lord, You lead me now.

Your goodness and mercy are with me, around me, In me. 

I step closer and closer to Your heart.

=)

I'm so sorry to everyone I'm finding it hard to keep up with! Trust me, there's more than a few! With working full time, even in the time I have off- I get so tired... so, big apology to those who have been expecting replies! You will get them. Just not immediately!

Hope everyone is doing greaaaaat. =D I miss all our chats loads! If you read the blog below, you'll know that work so far is a little hard, but I know God's promising a year of training ahead. And of complete devotion to Him.

So... don't take it personally if you don't hear back from me in a while. I'm either busy at work, Very tired... Or just can't be bothered with Bebo! =P I sometimes sign on and just see what's happening on the 'home'... but apart from that, I don't always get time to reply to all comments/mails!

So... Big hey to those who I havent spoken to in a while- drop me a mail (if you already haven't) and I WILL reply at some point!! Promise ;)

God's been teaching me a lot already in the last month, and a lot of its been tough lessons, but he's moulding me into a better person day by day. I'm learning to be patient and graceful in the face of so many trials and hardships.

I just want to encourage you to step out of your door each day, into your school, your church, your job, college/uni (you name it...) and go out knowing that today could be your last day. I love that part of the Bible where Jesus explains that tomorrow will take care of itself. If we don't practice the fruits of the spirit in our own lives- in our own situations, then we'll never get anywhere.

Jesus teaches that in any situation, we're to be like Him. We're to react to things in the best way and always be kind of heart. When we're truly like that, the fruits of the spirit really do take shape. They become the essence of who we are and they constantly give off a fragrance that mirrors a heart on fire for God.

When we walk out of our doors, we should await not only a beautiful collision of goodness within, but also an openness to work with, to listen to, to talk with, others who we come into contact with.

See, the fruits of the spirit are not all about restrictions, they are the very seeds planted in our hearts that blossom and make us the most transparently luminous Christians out there. The true fruits of the spirit are what make people who have chosen Jesus, totally alive and different from the rest.

Long needed blog!

Man, I have so needed to do this blog for ages! I feel very bad for not getting the time, but hey, I'll fill you in on all that I can fill you in on.

Won't go into depth with work- but just to let you know, that your continual prayers would be more than appreciated for me now, and for the rest of the staff. As you may guess, our work is massive- we not only deal with big numbers, but its actually quite a big task too. So God's control is more than vital. Just a big thank you to those who have been praying for me over the last few months- these prayers mean so much!

Had an awful few days with bad news. Having left Mum to travel South for a week- we've heard of so many of our good friends picking up things from A-Z, brain tumors, and immune system diseases too! I guess the Casting Crowns song 'Praise you in this storm' is something that keeps coming back to me. I think we sometimes forget how big situations can be compared to us. We are completely out of control of so many things and its only when we listen through the lashing rain and the thundering winds, that we know God is calling out or names and asking us to simply trust.

I guess over the last month, 'trust' and its meaning has just become so much more real to me. In all the insecurity of life and our futures, trust in God's authority of our plans is so essential and yet sometimes so hard to actually put into practice. "Trust is the firm reliability of someone or something" It's not that when we step into faith, trust is just something that tags along with belief. Because, belief is something completely different. Trust is all about relationship- its all about grasping the idea of falling back into the arms of the Saviour. It's not just believing his arms are there, but understanding that He wants to catch us, and we want to fall into His arms willingly.

See, truth is, over the last month, I feel like a complete different person. I know people have asked me about this, and to be honest, I'm not sure what to say. I'm not sure if its just tiredness, or if God's making me a new creation day by day. Like inside me, there is this moulding session. I feel so apart from the world- even from life. When I'm at work, its great, but I don't feel like I'm part of the world I was in before I came.

Somebody commented on the fact that I should be careful when I come out of SU, because the world isn't like that at all. I think God's just been reassuring me that this year (maybe even longer! I can't believe I'm saying that. No catering though. I couldn't cope. =P) is a simple training period. Not just learning my ounces from grams, but drawing close to His magnificent glory and understanding His love in a more passionate and integral way. I guess thats why I feel a little different. 5th year in school and this year, man- I'm a complete opposite. Because I feel like I'm being spiritually trained, I feel I'm spiritually maturing- it's almost like I am literally "not of this world" 5 days a week. And even through the weekends, I feel at peace with God, that He knows what He's doing, and that He has so much more for me to learn.

I really wonder what I'll be like outside of Lendrick Muir and whether I'll turn out to be a different person. Whether I'll still almost be in this zone of spiritually training (which I know is a lifetime process) or if I'll adapt to being a Christian that can make a change in a non-Christian society that so needs to know the love of God in a social and interactive way.

Even so, I'm coping with stress in the kitchens, with tiredness to the ultimate level and a lot going on with the family. I'm realising even more how much my family have been rocks to be in the last year. (Sure, they were supportive to me beforehand, but I never liked to recieve their support! =P) I just thank God that He is in charge. I thank Him that He wants me to trust him fully, so that when I feel like falling- when I know that I can no longer keep that strength going, that His arms will be outstretched and that He will carry me back home.

I have a real passion to make a difference in my area and beyond. Whether God has that planned for me this year is a different story- lets just say, a youth group in my village would be a vision that very much I feel needs prayer. Also a church here- whilst we have the C of S, we just pray that God will use us as a family to do his work in our home. So that we can come into contact with people who think church is all about pews and hymns.

So I guess that is kind of my news! I'm sure there is more! But thats all for now!

A quick note about yesterday though! Great fellowship for Row's baptism, and an awesome load of people there.

Anyways! I'm hitting the sack! Cheerio!

-Friend of Jesus,

Elii xo [:

woo!

I've been stuck with the cold now for 4 weeks.

Its actually so awful.

I'm more tired than ever.

Hey. Life is interesting!

Got a new FROG band today which has actually made my day- relying on God keeps me fueled man! :P

Anyways, a quick post to show I'm not forgetting- and truly, I'm not. I just get back from work and feel so tired that I can't be bothered!

GB!