He holds the whole world in his hands!

Hey Guys,

Now is probably not the best time for me to be sitting here typing up my new blog entry. I've just got back from work, and am listening to the an album that makes me want to cry nearly every time I listen to it! Fun stuff! =P

Well things are busy here, life is busy, work is busy, my world is just in different places.

In the last month and a bit, I haven't even managed to answer back to a 'How are you?' with the words, 'I'm awesome!' Truth is, since I started getting as uberly busy as I have been with work etc, I've not been the same at all.

So for everyone that has been around me and is wondering why Eli is not the same old 'her', it's just likely she's not slept for long enough! =P

Things are real tough at the moment, and as much as I say I'm drawing closer to God, I can't defy how much pain and tiredness are in my heart right now.

Maybe some of you haven't felt what I'm feeling now, but it's the absolute sense of being too tired to carry on. Every part of what energy I have had seems to have left me, and I'm still pushing myself to move. It all feels like such a strain.

See the things is, I really do sometimes question why an earth God brings me to some things; and truth is, sometimes (most of the time), I really don't understand why an earth He thinks its a good idea. But to understand life and all its hardships- and its blessings, we need to understand the character of God as fully as we can.

You know that wee song we used to all sing when we were wee-ain's? The "He's got the whole world in his hands?... He's got the tiny little baby in His hands, He's got you and me brother in His hands"... how I underestimated that as a kid!

There have been moments over the last few weeks, where I've sat, cried my heart out to God and tried to understand why He wants me in so much despair. The more I take time to sit with the Lord, and spill all the worries on my heart into His beautiful hands, the more I understand the capability of the hands, and the heart of the God who they belong to.

You know, its so weird. When I was small, crying was never really a feeling as much as an acknowledgment of anger. I wasn't really one for crying on my parents shoulders- anger was my key emotion, and when the time came that I didn't have anything to take my anger out on, the tears would fall.

As I got older, things started to change a little, when I came to the Lord, anger was really removed from my heart (sure, I have moments when my anger still boils up inside me, but not often) but that made me as a person even more resilient to lock up my emotions inside.

I can honestly say, not a lot of my friends have come into contact with an 'Emotional Eli', not because I don't want them to know about my secret feelings, but simply because even in the hard points of life, even in the moments I feel like screaming my head off, and causing a scene- I know that God has simply pushed me to come to Him first, and pour out my heart to Him.

And you know, honestly, for a very long time, I haven't done that with my Saviour. Sat for a while, and cried my eyes out- and given all my worries and despairs to Him. I think I just got to a stage in my life where I didn't think tears where needed. But the last month has probed me into taking that time, just to cry with my Father.

And every tear that falls, I know he holds in His hands, "the hands that hold the world", and he understands each one. He has a deep connection with his children when they bring to Him, not just their problems, their hardships and inabilities, their passions and their ambitions, but actually when they come to Him with a bare heart, that reveals not only their life, but their heart felt emotions, that show God's clear and intricate creation. He created life; humanity he created with a unique ability to feel. Whether it be pain, or happiness; He knew that the love He so passionately felt for us, we should also have the chance to feel for Him.

So today, I have had such an empty void filling me, probably caused by so many tears in so little time- however, the Lord has been welcoming me in to His arms each and every moment of the day. He constantly wraps His arms around me, and understands my pain. My Saviour longs for my heart to be revealed to Him, not just through good times, but also through the bad. So that my hurt will allow me to understand just how much my God loves me, wants me to trust Him, and wants me to share a part of the real Eli with Him each and every day.

The song "He holds the whole world in His hands", just possesses so much more truth in it now that I think on those lyrics. You see, despite my own problems, and my own faith, I know that as a world, the God of my Heart, is holding out His hands, knowing that as a sinful people- we are also His. And that beyond tears, beyond pain and beyond any situation, His hands are enfolding each and every one of us. You see, God is King, and He reigns- He craves for us as a nation- as a country and as a world to share with him our hearts, because since the world began, the creator of the world simply wanted us also, to share in His heart too.

All the way the Saviour leads me.

There have been so many points where I've felt like giving up. Where I've felt like dropping everything and running ten thousand miles just to stop, and to think.

For the last week, all I've been wanting is a get-out. A fire exit door that can be used when I feel so entirely overwhelmed with hurt and stress.

But then I know that even with the heat of the fire, I can still survive.

"All the way the Saviour leads me."

I know the touch of his hand against my shoulder, urging me to go ahead, with Him at my side. Against all the storming heat of the fire - with the smoke and debreyy seemingly blocking all pathways before me, I can feel His presence. His inexplainable comfort whilst he tells me "It'll all be okay." And as I push my way through, sometimes even picking up small burns on the way - little etchings of hurt and turmoil - I start to see clearer through the influx of smoke before me. I can see a pathway ahead; I know I've been on this path for a reason. He doesn't leave me.

Even when I can't see a way forward, He continues to walk with me, shoulder to shoulder. I can hear His voice, even with the spluttering of sparkling flames, and the choke of the walls falling down all around me. He stays the same. He remains steadfast, and doesn't let me fall down even with the heat.

He keeps encouraging me forward, baby step at a time. I recognise He knows best. Trust. I really do trust Him. Sometimes I look behind me, even for an instant, and I see a glimpse of the past- the dark, grimy walls so attacked by the smoke; but when I start to turn my face again to the pathway ahead, I see instantly the walls behind completely fall. The past is forgotten. God's peace rests on me.

Sometimes the smoke and fire calms down- and sometimes the light of the dark room I seem to be in, grows. There is hope all around. At other points, I feel claustrophobic by the engulfing flames.

So much hurt. So much pain. All around me, the walls, the light, the flames; they all change. Sometimes there is even a slight twist in the pathway and I don't understand where it is going.

Yet, He constantly leads me. Through all of the darkness and all of the hopelessness, He takes me to the target. He brings me closer. He constantly holds my hand, telling me that it will all be "alright". 

I finally understand looking into His eyes, His faithful, beautiful eyes- the eyes of a Saviour - that as He takes me through even the hard times, the pathway, leading me through life, the steps are bringing me to His heart.

He carries me, closer and closer to His heart.

I know His goodness and Mercy have followed me.

You led me Lord, You lead me now.

Your goodness and mercy are with me, around me, In me. 

I step closer and closer to Your heart.

=)

I'm so sorry to everyone I'm finding it hard to keep up with! Trust me, there's more than a few! With working full time, even in the time I have off- I get so tired... so, big apology to those who have been expecting replies! You will get them. Just not immediately!

Hope everyone is doing greaaaaat. =D I miss all our chats loads! If you read the blog below, you'll know that work so far is a little hard, but I know God's promising a year of training ahead. And of complete devotion to Him.

So... don't take it personally if you don't hear back from me in a while. I'm either busy at work, Very tired... Or just can't be bothered with Bebo! =P I sometimes sign on and just see what's happening on the 'home'... but apart from that, I don't always get time to reply to all comments/mails!

So... Big hey to those who I havent spoken to in a while- drop me a mail (if you already haven't) and I WILL reply at some point!! Promise ;)

God's been teaching me a lot already in the last month, and a lot of its been tough lessons, but he's moulding me into a better person day by day. I'm learning to be patient and graceful in the face of so many trials and hardships.

I just want to encourage you to step out of your door each day, into your school, your church, your job, college/uni (you name it...) and go out knowing that today could be your last day. I love that part of the Bible where Jesus explains that tomorrow will take care of itself. If we don't practice the fruits of the spirit in our own lives- in our own situations, then we'll never get anywhere.

Jesus teaches that in any situation, we're to be like Him. We're to react to things in the best way and always be kind of heart. When we're truly like that, the fruits of the spirit really do take shape. They become the essence of who we are and they constantly give off a fragrance that mirrors a heart on fire for God.

When we walk out of our doors, we should await not only a beautiful collision of goodness within, but also an openness to work with, to listen to, to talk with, others who we come into contact with.

See, the fruits of the spirit are not all about restrictions, they are the very seeds planted in our hearts that blossom and make us the most transparently luminous Christians out there. The true fruits of the spirit are what make people who have chosen Jesus, totally alive and different from the rest.

Long needed blog!

Man, I have so needed to do this blog for ages! I feel very bad for not getting the time, but hey, I'll fill you in on all that I can fill you in on.

Won't go into depth with work- but just to let you know, that your continual prayers would be more than appreciated for me now, and for the rest of the staff. As you may guess, our work is massive- we not only deal with big numbers, but its actually quite a big task too. So God's control is more than vital. Just a big thank you to those who have been praying for me over the last few months- these prayers mean so much!

Had an awful few days with bad news. Having left Mum to travel South for a week- we've heard of so many of our good friends picking up things from A-Z, brain tumors, and immune system diseases too! I guess the Casting Crowns song 'Praise you in this storm' is something that keeps coming back to me. I think we sometimes forget how big situations can be compared to us. We are completely out of control of so many things and its only when we listen through the lashing rain and the thundering winds, that we know God is calling out or names and asking us to simply trust.

I guess over the last month, 'trust' and its meaning has just become so much more real to me. In all the insecurity of life and our futures, trust in God's authority of our plans is so essential and yet sometimes so hard to actually put into practice. "Trust is the firm reliability of someone or something" It's not that when we step into faith, trust is just something that tags along with belief. Because, belief is something completely different. Trust is all about relationship- its all about grasping the idea of falling back into the arms of the Saviour. It's not just believing his arms are there, but understanding that He wants to catch us, and we want to fall into His arms willingly.

See, truth is, over the last month, I feel like a complete different person. I know people have asked me about this, and to be honest, I'm not sure what to say. I'm not sure if its just tiredness, or if God's making me a new creation day by day. Like inside me, there is this moulding session. I feel so apart from the world- even from life. When I'm at work, its great, but I don't feel like I'm part of the world I was in before I came.

Somebody commented on the fact that I should be careful when I come out of SU, because the world isn't like that at all. I think God's just been reassuring me that this year (maybe even longer! I can't believe I'm saying that. No catering though. I couldn't cope. =P) is a simple training period. Not just learning my ounces from grams, but drawing close to His magnificent glory and understanding His love in a more passionate and integral way. I guess thats why I feel a little different. 5th year in school and this year, man- I'm a complete opposite. Because I feel like I'm being spiritually trained, I feel I'm spiritually maturing- it's almost like I am literally "not of this world" 5 days a week. And even through the weekends, I feel at peace with God, that He knows what He's doing, and that He has so much more for me to learn.

I really wonder what I'll be like outside of Lendrick Muir and whether I'll turn out to be a different person. Whether I'll still almost be in this zone of spiritually training (which I know is a lifetime process) or if I'll adapt to being a Christian that can make a change in a non-Christian society that so needs to know the love of God in a social and interactive way.

Even so, I'm coping with stress in the kitchens, with tiredness to the ultimate level and a lot going on with the family. I'm realising even more how much my family have been rocks to be in the last year. (Sure, they were supportive to me beforehand, but I never liked to recieve their support! =P) I just thank God that He is in charge. I thank Him that He wants me to trust him fully, so that when I feel like falling- when I know that I can no longer keep that strength going, that His arms will be outstretched and that He will carry me back home.

I have a real passion to make a difference in my area and beyond. Whether God has that planned for me this year is a different story- lets just say, a youth group in my village would be a vision that very much I feel needs prayer. Also a church here- whilst we have the C of S, we just pray that God will use us as a family to do his work in our home. So that we can come into contact with people who think church is all about pews and hymns.

So I guess that is kind of my news! I'm sure there is more! But thats all for now!

A quick note about yesterday though! Great fellowship for Row's baptism, and an awesome load of people there.

Anyways! I'm hitting the sack! Cheerio!

-Friend of Jesus,

Elii xo [:

woo!

I've been stuck with the cold now for 4 weeks.

Its actually so awful.

I'm more tired than ever.

Hey. Life is interesting!

Got a new FROG band today which has actually made my day- relying on God keeps me fueled man! :P

Anyways, a quick post to show I'm not forgetting- and truly, I'm not. I just get back from work and feel so tired that I can't be bothered!

GB!

-

Inner Beauty lasts beyond time or measure. Embrace the moments to warm your soul with Grace, Peace, Joy; but most of all, Love. Love will shape you, enfold you and guard you. Far beyond the fleeting beauty of a face, love is the very transparency to show the indescribable beauty of a soul created by a Creator who's heart is bursting full of  devotion, adoration and affection for His Children. 

Newwws.

Hey [:

Wow, so I'm getting so bad at keeping this blog going! I even noticed that with my emails- the people I most want to email, I forget about so easily! How life changes aye?! =P

Ach, had an incredibly busy week. Having started full time work on Monday, I had Wednesday off, but been on the house team and catering for the week. We have a group of 120 people arriving at 8.00 tonight so I was preparing their supper and tomorrow's breakfast. It's an early start tomorrow! 9.00am work- (actually, thats a lie in for me! I usually work at 8.30am- score!) and loads to do in the day. I finish up Sunday late afternoon and then have Monday off! Uber chill then I think!

So... News. Mhairi (Or Mars as it seems everyone now knows her as) got a job with my Father. LOL. And the first comment I get about her first day is "Your dad rocks! He buys Domino's pizza for lunch!" Ace. I really have to question why we don't get the same treatment at home! Haha.

Keeping busy over the next few weeks and months with work. Turns out I'm going to a lot of courses too. A First Aid course, a Health and Hygeine course- oh, and check this, I'm also going to be trained in Archery! It means I can finally really get involved with schools work! (Hopefully :P) That's if I can actually get away from the numerous Scones and Marshmallow slices that are crowding around my life at the moment.

Hmm, what else to share? Well, My family has decided to start a worship evening here at the house on Wednesday evenings- including a meal! Oh yeaah. ;] It's pretty good because we don't really have a church at the moment, so this will be a nice wee change.

We've had a load of people come to us in the last couple of days and just share the simple fact that SAE has been a part of their conversion- its so exciting to hear that God is at work in the page! [:

So, life is busy. But good. To be honest, I'm just looking forward to a free-er weekend!

I'm going through Isaiah 43 right now... and man, is it good. If you have time, check it out! =D

Gb,

-friend of Jesus

Eli [: xo