He holds the whole world in his hands!

Hey Guys,

Now is probably not the best time for me to be sitting here typing up my new blog entry. I've just got back from work, and am listening to the an album that makes me want to cry nearly every time I listen to it! Fun stuff! =P

Well things are busy here, life is busy, work is busy, my world is just in different places.

In the last month and a bit, I haven't even managed to answer back to a 'How are you?' with the words, 'I'm awesome!' Truth is, since I started getting as uberly busy as I have been with work etc, I've not been the same at all.

So for everyone that has been around me and is wondering why Eli is not the same old 'her', it's just likely she's not slept for long enough! =P

Things are real tough at the moment, and as much as I say I'm drawing closer to God, I can't defy how much pain and tiredness are in my heart right now.

Maybe some of you haven't felt what I'm feeling now, but it's the absolute sense of being too tired to carry on. Every part of what energy I have had seems to have left me, and I'm still pushing myself to move. It all feels like such a strain.

See the things is, I really do sometimes question why an earth God brings me to some things; and truth is, sometimes (most of the time), I really don't understand why an earth He thinks its a good idea. But to understand life and all its hardships- and its blessings, we need to understand the character of God as fully as we can.

You know that wee song we used to all sing when we were wee-ain's? The "He's got the whole world in his hands?... He's got the tiny little baby in His hands, He's got you and me brother in His hands"... how I underestimated that as a kid!

There have been moments over the last few weeks, where I've sat, cried my heart out to God and tried to understand why He wants me in so much despair. The more I take time to sit with the Lord, and spill all the worries on my heart into His beautiful hands, the more I understand the capability of the hands, and the heart of the God who they belong to.

You know, its so weird. When I was small, crying was never really a feeling as much as an acknowledgment of anger. I wasn't really one for crying on my parents shoulders- anger was my key emotion, and when the time came that I didn't have anything to take my anger out on, the tears would fall.

As I got older, things started to change a little, when I came to the Lord, anger was really removed from my heart (sure, I have moments when my anger still boils up inside me, but not often) but that made me as a person even more resilient to lock up my emotions inside.

I can honestly say, not a lot of my friends have come into contact with an 'Emotional Eli', not because I don't want them to know about my secret feelings, but simply because even in the hard points of life, even in the moments I feel like screaming my head off, and causing a scene- I know that God has simply pushed me to come to Him first, and pour out my heart to Him.

And you know, honestly, for a very long time, I haven't done that with my Saviour. Sat for a while, and cried my eyes out- and given all my worries and despairs to Him. I think I just got to a stage in my life where I didn't think tears where needed. But the last month has probed me into taking that time, just to cry with my Father.

And every tear that falls, I know he holds in His hands, "the hands that hold the world", and he understands each one. He has a deep connection with his children when they bring to Him, not just their problems, their hardships and inabilities, their passions and their ambitions, but actually when they come to Him with a bare heart, that reveals not only their life, but their heart felt emotions, that show God's clear and intricate creation. He created life; humanity he created with a unique ability to feel. Whether it be pain, or happiness; He knew that the love He so passionately felt for us, we should also have the chance to feel for Him.

So today, I have had such an empty void filling me, probably caused by so many tears in so little time- however, the Lord has been welcoming me in to His arms each and every moment of the day. He constantly wraps His arms around me, and understands my pain. My Saviour longs for my heart to be revealed to Him, not just through good times, but also through the bad. So that my hurt will allow me to understand just how much my God loves me, wants me to trust Him, and wants me to share a part of the real Eli with Him each and every day.

The song "He holds the whole world in His hands", just possesses so much more truth in it now that I think on those lyrics. You see, despite my own problems, and my own faith, I know that as a world, the God of my Heart, is holding out His hands, knowing that as a sinful people- we are also His. And that beyond tears, beyond pain and beyond any situation, His hands are enfolding each and every one of us. You see, God is King, and He reigns- He craves for us as a nation- as a country and as a world to share with him our hearts, because since the world began, the creator of the world simply wanted us also, to share in His heart too.